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Art for Dysfunctional Minds
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when things fall apart, they were never meant to be built

when questioned "why?", the self finds console in answering "why not?". a question with a question is only but a vicious cycle, a downward spiral that will only lead to extintion. is there an end? if there is an answer to that question that is not another question then there is no reason to answer it.

after reading my inner self several times, i have come down to the conclusion that images from past, present and future are not like energy. they can be destroyed, they can be eliminated from existance and never again relived. yet the process can be very painful and stressful and could even kill you. i am not dead yet but scars do fill my body like a carpace that protects me from future wounds. i may be bound to reflect this with a cold heart, but once you've crossed that... well... lets just say the trip is more pleasant.

i destroy only to rebuild. buildings i erect are feelings meant to fall apart, but if while building, i sabotage, its only because it's not worth wasting bricks and cement.

this is probably the most "in your face" i'll ever be. you can go ahead and blame me, i'm not worried, my giveafuckometer is malfunctioning and unable to give a fuck.

have a nice day.

beyond recognition

i've had dreams before, been lonely before, seen other worlds and faces, escaped a thousand times before, tried new ways, new days, new haze... and with every new comes a new phase of "once again in the lonely alley". it's been forgotten and remembered once again. the confession has become confusion and the thought of it is just another one to be forgotten and remembered again in the future. i have been disfigured beyond recognition.

so much love lost in lust

as i try to fake it i become more like them... where is the exit? i'm tired of masks... maybe an oxycodone overdose might work better than sitting here and accepting all this bull. but then again... on fait comme on peut, pas comme on veut... the amount of love you wish to give is more than i can stand... i cannot even say that it'll soon be over.... unfortunately it ain't that easy... what is? nothing is and everything is not? funny concept. can one take more of this? two maybe? ha! you'd wish.... would you be my nothing? who could be my nothing? i couldn't be my own nothing even if i tried... you wouldn't be for all i care... i never cared either, i just had to fake it just like you showed me... so many fakers... so many lies... so much love lost in lust...

truth is...

would i lie to you? i'd sure damn like to... over... and over... and over... truth is i've lost most of what kept me going... the drive is there, i can see it, but i can trigger it anymore for some reason. it's one of those times again where i need out, an exit, a way... a new way. i guess i'll just have to endure these times like all others: by myself. easy for me to say, it's all i know after all. truth is it does get to me this feeling. i say it doesn't, but someone's gotta fool me. so naive, insecure, driven, childish. i believe when i first said i could act and people said i couldn't i decided to put up my biggest act. funny how everyone believes it to be my true self, i've heard people say "there's no pain for a 100 years nor man who could stand it" and "can't keep a lie forever", still i've found a way to live against all odds by drowning in my own happy expressions and painful manners, dysfunctional feelings and fake intentions. i have been living the lie that everything's fine for so many years... ... ... living the lie that i'm somehow someone else. i killed me to make me and found me as poisonous. truth is there's an internal chaos that has given birth to this balanced skin i wear everyday. intentionally hateful so to be loving, unsure about his own self just cuz he can't decide which one to be. i find myself quite pathetic. i know this for a fact and still i find myself feeding with all this bullshit and believing it. the fucked part is that like i said before, i'm gonna endure this alone, like past times and experiences. i remember when [...unimportant information] and then that was it; enduring again. cuz it's always that... tonight i feel like more... that's what it is.... mental aid against the nervous brake down... it's just what i needed... more lies...
good night...

infractions

to breath or not to breath
there is no such question
to find a new breach
no need for complexions
to reach for one's mother
to bleed for a brother
seek for another
way for infractions
one finds the right reasons
two have the wrong ergo
three touch the one season
where four find it stable
shake off the sand
here where i stand
brake all for once
and embrace the chance
to walk away
and break the day
maybe someday
you'll want to stay...

sometimes things can be some others i wish they died this time i feel i might be the one to see me die and no one else...

realization

months of walking down the line have shown the truth in the path under the feet of this fool. no matter how far, how long, how away, how gone... it keeps on coming back... creeping in... once he saw a light, now he only sees the shades of dreams in his mind. remembering the times of facial muscle restraint towards a neighbor walker, now remorseful of decisions unfounded... these feet have walked many roads, these eyes have seen many ways, these hands have touched many hearts... yet this heart doesn't know anything above 33˚ Fahrenheit.

i have lost again.
will i try?

Images of a Legend

15 lines of a story 15 views of a legend 15 minutes to shine 15 years amended 15 more may go by... chapter 01 “…He sat in the grass in tranquility within the bamboo trees that night, away from all daily chaos… chapter 02 “…Shisai Seku was studying in the library when he saw his pupil somewhat sad…” chapter 03 “…The relationship between Shisai Seku and Suyukai […] was more like a father-child relationship…” chapter 04 “…He was walking towards the small terrace atop of the Shinseikawa, when he noticed Suyukai talking to another Gakushu…” chapter 05 “…Iosuke directed his eyes straight to the dojo's kamon and noticed it was a Shinobi family, which thrilled him even more…” chapter 06 “…Then they both decided to take the metaphors into act and made a small shrine-like square with 4 large stones around the tree…” chapter 07 “…She […] sat with him in a guided discovery style of meditation…” chapter 08 “…Okina Sensei […] asked him to demonstrate what he had learned in his trainings of jujutsu…” chapter 09 “…Once the combat started the two kids fought fearless. The swinging of their bokken could be heard in the whole yard…” chapter 10 “…One afternoon […], Suyukai decided to take Iosuke to the Stone Bridge for another history lesson…” chapter 11 “…things became somehow tense inside the monastery […] Iosuke, Yruma, Chewy and Yoshiro, were somehow always on the spot…” chapter 12 “…Utopia was a peaceful town, a place where everyone lived in constant tranquility and harmony…” chapter 13 “…Their minds would be focused for the first time on battle and diplomacy. Their training was based on the Ways of the Self, the Secrets of Shinobi and the Bushido…” chapter 14 “…Just four columns held the roof […] In the middle of the shrine, a bold, skinny man with a very long beard and weird shades sat in meditation…” chapter 15 “…As they walked away their excitement grew big, and little by little they were lost in the distance…” and so may this story begin...

Once upon a time...

a project with over 6 years on the making and developing...
a life time of training for this one moment...
finally unfolds.