i refuse to let you torment me again... i will kill you before you reach me, i will drown you before you touch me, i wont hunt you, but i wont stand for you either. you are dead to me, let me keep your memory buried 6 feet under the ground and not 6 lives under my skin. else i'll take you 6 feet under my self...

i will never get tired of this peace... is the only place where i can find a rest... within the woods of gray that hide my lies. there where the box is buried... containing my deepest fears... my deepest shames... my true way of saying "no other way but to die today" with charisma.
do i feel?
another year to die.

fear

there has to be a... i know what it is... fear. will i ever? why? i hear you read words of the mind of a mad man... as if life... i don't feel you... a light that opens path through the clouds atop of the clown with the penguin costume. he was dead. the story goes on with photographs of sounds never felt. is the mere call of the uncanny, those who just eat you up from the inside. can you feel how sweet it seems? maybe is the cyanide... or maybe just ginseng with forsaken ld50. it could just be that i never washed my clothes... or just that i never cared to call you back after a night we both wish to forget. it could be that i just ... just ... fear.

is like the sound of the windowpane against your hair, or the breeze inside a closed room, like a ghost that never left the coloring book with no cover, there next to your pride. sing me a lullaby... a metaphor with a subliminal message... like that summer day when the leafs fell on the snow of dead butterflies... something to remember you by... other than this knife...

my heart is rusting next to the shoe glue i used to shut you up. on purpose i accidentally planned to kill [me] for freedom. it's just dark now. i won't need it where i'm going. you don't need hearts on earth. but you can buy them if you're that eager.

to write a memory is like jumping to conclusions on how fire burns on a benzine-bath in the Arctic attic of Alexandria, the place to be, if your 50 by the time you're 20 and sugar is just an accessory, unnecessary for existence, and coffee is the key to greet death awake. if not ask the blind.

far beyond my imagination, far beyond this feeling, far before this meaning, far i was swimming back... but the tide had other plans for me... it took me a while to realize, that all i knew was going to disappear and i'd just float till i died from a bite of a fat boy in candy land. he should have had his grass, that would mean more meat for christmas. after all now days, animals raise humans, feed them grass and the shopping channel, just so that by thanksgiving they have a big fat kid for dinner. beautiful way of creating community.

or maybe the lungs won't hold that long. a breath of darkness embracing uselessness... that's why it takes this long... now i understand... thanks...

i will... i have will... my will is lost... will i?

why is it that after all this time i still have your face stuck in my head? BURN!!!

Losten by Glassjaw

Fraudulent miracles make miracles sink ships.
The rice paper princess (gets too for her flinches).

(Fuck you)

In the midst of the perfection,
rain on the parade
Me that's crowding day (the horns on the hood of the sait)

(Fuck you)

"But never the two shall meet,"
Said the tiger to its greatest fan.
"The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand".

"And now you leave me in defeat.
Leave me a battered, broken now".
"The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand".

Now I have you where I want you.
I know that you are listening.
This is my chance to tell you everything.

(Fuck you)

My chance to tell you I love you, but I've waited to long,
And now the record's over.
Now the record's over.

(Fuck you)

for you...

prayer

as if it was a dream, i hear a voice that rings back in my ear... as if i couldn't believe it, it reaches and grabs me by the heart... i close my eyes and let you in. go ahead and dig, as deep as you can... try and find me... and if you do... please show me... for i have lost my way...

perhaps i should just ... or maybe!... i don't know... just voids left... i try to get up every time... but [who is aurora] i should find a way... [who are you!!] i may have lost these battles, but until i stand no more i won't [GO AWAY!!!] go away... [ w h y . . . ]

couldn't he just try? they asked... he said no. he doesn't believe in second chances... but he's had many! no he hasn't he's been backstabbed too many times... has he...?

the voice told me things out of line... things that made no sense... i just couldn't stop it apparently... once it was digging it just felt too good to stop. it showed me things... it showed me...

last time we spoke was a long time ago... i guess i did know the voice... she had died... she loved me and died... i guess i forgot the poison in my blood... but it felt good then... somehow it still does... why didn't you just leave before it was too late? you could have found a way... but you had to stay... you said you loved me... liar.

once he lost all hope he killed her... he grabbed her by heart and killed her... she was already inside and had seen it all... she couldn't... she wouldn't...
she did...
she read me like an open book and used me like a broken toy... i pray for her soul to rot.

all she had to do was dig into him and find the answer... she decided to take a peek inside his pandora's box... then she... she... laughed... i laughed... at me... he was the one... the one to kill, but he survived... that's why she died...

if one is to shake the branch after the rain just for fun, then one is to bring a towel along... if one is to kiss death in the neck, then one is to embrace one's fate.

he just blindfolded himself only to not see the lie... it wasn't a sign of trust, it was a sign of "hate and swallow"... when he removed the blindfolds, he just walked away... he never looked back again...

if there is really something else out there, then it should know who's next...

with love
you.

ps.
i hope you like it too.

say "bunhole!" ^.^

i'm stuck doing pretty much nothing... i haven't really adjusted to the idea of being back... i don't know, eventually i'll get it.
may this be the edge? is it?
JUMP!
cachimbo!
well, maybe tomorrow.
paz.

stuck in babilon

by the second i drown deeper...
this was not how it was supposed to be...
i'm just... genocidal...
how can anyone understand really?
fuck it, don't even try...

-sucks to be you...
-i'm with stoopid!

When the Shit Strikes Back!

so this semester began, although it kinda got fucked. because of stupid laws of nature i am no longer studding at chavon... 3 weeks after the new semester began.
whatever karma i hold, it's enough.

nu memories

this new year comes with new memories too...
i just remembered Halloween...
how i let you paint my face all over with that white and red thing...
you looked beautiful...
whispers::[i glance at your pictures sometimes...]
i can't help it...
i just do...
it'll be your birthday soon...
i want to do something but i don't think it might be appropriate...
i don't even know if you still live there...
finch and poison the well depress me...
but there is one song...
the only one capable of still killing me...
and i feel i'm with you again...

i was just remembering my walks through the old french champs...
back then...

i can't do this...
i'm sorry...