:¤: Images from a Photographic Memory :¤:

when things fall apart, they were never meant to be built

2011-12-19T16:10:00.002-04:00

when questioned "why?", the self finds console in answering "why not?". a question with a question is only but a vicious cycle, a downward spiral that will only lead to extintion. is there an end? if there is an answer to that question that is not another question then there is no reason to answer it.

after reading my inner self several times, i have come down to the conclusion that images from past, present and future are not like energy. they can be destroyed, they can be eliminated from existance and never again relived. yet the process can be very painful and stressful and could even kill you. i am not dead yet but scars do fill my body like a carpace that protects me from future wounds. i may be bound to reflect this with a cold heart, but once you've crossed that... well... lets just say the trip is more pleasant.

i destroy only to rebuild. buildings i erect are feelings meant to fall apart, but if while building, i sabotage, its only because it's not worth wasting bricks and cement.

this is probably the most "in your face" i'll ever be. you can go ahead and blame me, i'm not worried, my giveafuckometer is malfunctioning and unable to give a fuck.

have a nice day.

beyond recognition

2011-01-27T22:51:00.002-04:00

i've had dreams before, been lonely before, seen other worlds and faces, escaped a thousand times before, tried new ways, new days, new haze... and with every new comes a new phase of "once again in the lonely alley". it's been forgotten and remembered once again. the confession has become confusion and the thought of it is just another one to be forgotten and remembered again in the future. i have been disfigured beyond recognition.

so much love lost in lust

2010-12-26T17:14:00.002-04:00

as i try to fake it i become more like them... where is the exit? i'm tired of masks... maybe an oxycodone overdose might work better than sitting here and accepting all this bull. but then again... on fait comme on peut, pas comme on veut... the amount of love you wish to give is more than i can stand... i cannot even say that it'll soon be over.... unfortunately it ain't that easy... what is? nothing is and everything is not? funny concept. can one take more of this? two maybe? ha! you'd wish.... would you be my nothing? who could be my nothing? i couldn't be my own nothing even if i tried... you wouldn't be for all i care... i never cared either, i just had to fake it just like you showed me... so many fakers... so many lies... so much love lost in lust...

truth is...

2010-12-22T01:06:00.000-04:00

would i lie to you? i'd sure damn like to... over... and over... and over... truth is i've lost most of what kept me going... the drive is there, i can see it, but i can trigger it anymore for some reason. it's one of those times again where i need out, an exit, a way... a new way. i guess i'll just have to endure these times like all others: by myself. easy for me to say, it's all i know after all. truth is it does get to me this feeling. i say it doesn't, but someone's gotta fool me. so naive, insecure, driven, childish. i believe when i first said i could act and people said i couldn't i decided to put up my biggest act. funny how everyone believes it to be my true self, i've heard people say "there's no pain for a 100 years nor man who could stand it" and "can't keep a lie forever", still i've found a way to live against all odds by drowning in my own happy expressions and painful manners, dysfunctional feelings and fake intentions. i have been living the lie that everything's fine for so many years... ... ... living the lie that i'm somehow someone else. i killed me to make me and found me as poisonous. truth is there's an internal chaos that has given birth to this balanced skin i wear everyday. intentionally hateful so to be loving, unsure about his own self just cuz he can't decide which one to be. i find myself quite pathetic. i know this for a fact and still i find myself feeding with all this bullshit and believing it. the fucked part is that like i said before, i'm gonna endure this alone, like past times and experiences. i remember when [...unimportant information] and then that was it; enduring again. cuz it's always that... tonight i feel like more... that's what it is.... mental aid against the nervous brake down... it's just what i needed... more lies...
good night...

infractions

2010-12-12T18:40:00.002-04:00

to breath or not to breath
there is no such question
to find a new breach
no need for complexions
to reach for one's mother
to bleed for a brother
seek for another
way for infractions
one finds the right reasons
two have the wrong ergo
three touch the one season
where four find it stable
shake off the sand
here where i stand
brake all for once
and embrace the chance
to walk away
and break the day
maybe someday
you'll want to stay...

2010-11-30T00:28:00.001-04:00

sometimes things can be some others i wish they died this time i feel i might be the one to see me die and no one else...

realization

2010-09-27T16:31:00.000-04:00

months of walking down the line have shown the truth in the path under the feet of this fool. no matter how far, how long, how away, how gone... it keeps on coming back... creeping in... once he saw a light, now he only sees the shades of dreams in his mind. remembering the times of facial muscle restraint towards a neighbor walker, now remorseful of decisions unfounded... these feet have walked many roads, these eyes have seen many ways, these hands have touched many hearts... yet this heart doesn't know anything above 33˚ Fahrenheit.

i have lost again.
will i try?

Images of a Legend

2010-08-24T11:44:00.001-04:00

15 lines of a story 15 views of a legend 15 minutes to shine 15 years amended 15 more may go by... chapter 01 “…He sat in the grass in tranquility within the bamboo trees that night, away from all daily chaos… chapter 02 “…Shisai Seku was studying in the library when he saw his pupil somewhat sad…” chapter 03 “…The relationship between Shisai Seku and Suyukai […] was more like a father-child relationship…” chapter 04 “…He was walking towards the small terrace atop of the Shinseikawa, when he noticed Suyukai talking to another Gakushu…” chapter 05 “…Iosuke directed his eyes straight to the dojo's kamon and noticed it was a Shinobi family, which thrilled him even more…” chapter 06 “…Then they both decided to take the metaphors into act and made a small shrine-like square with 4 large stones around the tree…” chapter 07 “…She […] sat with him in a guided discovery style of meditation…” chapter 08 “…Okina Sensei […] asked him to demonstrate what he had learned in his trainings of jujutsu…” chapter 09 “…Once the combat started the two kids fought fearless. The swinging of their bokken could be heard in the whole yard…” chapter 10 “…One afternoon […], Suyukai decided to take Iosuke to the Stone Bridge for another history lesson…” chapter 11 “…things became somehow tense inside the monastery […] Iosuke, Yruma, Chewy and Yoshiro, were somehow always on the spot…” chapter 12 “…Utopia was a peaceful town, a place where everyone lived in constant tranquility and harmony…” chapter 13 “…Their minds would be focused for the first time on battle and diplomacy. Their training was based on the Ways of the Self, the Secrets of Shinobi and the Bushido…” chapter 14 “…Just four columns held the roof […] In the middle of the shrine, a bold, skinny man with a very long beard and weird shades sat in meditation…” chapter 15 “…As they walked away their excitement grew big, and little by little they were lost in the distance…” and so may this story begin...

Once upon a time...

2010-08-10T12:36:00.003-04:00

a project with over 6 years on the making and developing...
a life time of training for this one moment...
finally unfolds.

323

2010-03-22T03:23:00.003-04:00

then the sound woke him
"WHO GOES THERE?!"
but there was no answer
it had all been inside
dream? NIGHTMARE!
the simple thought inspires lunacy
retrying...

adios amor.

2010-03-16T18:55:00.003-04:00

una tarde para contemplar el horizonte tras mis parpados. luego de buscar tapar el sol con un dedo del pie, vi que las posibilidades eran infinitas. vi que buscar de ti era buscar de dios. que problema. unas cuantas vueltas entre sabanas sudadas por el sexo salvage entre la soledad y yo, para luego caer presa de tu imagen en mi mente. no eres nadie, no eres nada, pero eres. si, vi la luz y quemo mis ojos, gracias a ella ahora solo veo el oscuro de tu alma. perdi la conciencia cuando las mil cabezas de la insistencia me mostraron la decadencia en el alba. tengo sed de justicia y hambre de verguenza. si los dias y las noches no llegaran nunca...

cuando encontre los recortes de periodico que formaban el geroglifico de tu rescate, recorde que no se leer arabe y simplemente te deje perder entre las falsas esperanzas y los juegos de baloncesto. en mi velocipedo vi a tu captor y le sorprendi con regalos de grandeza y elojios de walmart. todo en tarjetas de "que te mejores", mientras el me miraba con ojos de triunfador y punhos de boxeador. yo solo queria que fueras feliz, pero no conmigo.

solo una ultima vez es necesaria para recordar como cayo el granizo en mi parabrisas y me dejo impotente frente al parqueo techado... cuando intente salir de mi hummer, encontre el nivel del mar muy profundo y el nivel del mal muy astutamente posicionado frente a mis dedos. intentar tomarte es estrategicamente un error de ignorancia, intentar tenerte es tragicamente un favor al resto, intentar olvidarte es tedio. por eso, porque nunca te quise, nunca te anhorare, como nunca te tuve, nunca te extranhare. gracias al karma.

respiro. ko luego kyu, yo antes de tu. amor segun su raiz es "asking for more" y yo no tenia nada que darte desde un principio. mejor resuelvo mi error y tatuo adios en mi frente. adios segun su raiz es "a dios le pido nunca mas verte". adios olvido, adios domingo, adios pereza, adios amigo, adios sonido, adios tristeza, adios dureza, adios... chaito!

toxina.

2010-01-15T02:16:00.006-04:00

tengo una toxina dentro, toxina que corroe los huesos de dinosaurio dentro de mi memoria. esta toxina se encarga de tornar las tardes de verano en infiernos siberianos. se manifiesta con la parodia entre taxista y pasajero en un dia izquierdo, donde nada sale, solo entra. entra la polucion, entra la ira, entra la inflacion y la toxina. la toxina que resulta al mirar por la ventana cuando en el escritorio plantan la verdad en papelitos. toxina que se manifiesta al dejar caer la bolsa de basura por accidente en la residencia del indigente.

esta toxina viene en contra corrientes por el torrente sanguineo del que maldice a la vista de una esponja voladora empapada. se siente cuando hierve la sangre y su odor es como flores entre lechuga y chorizo en la esquina del restaurant chino; ahi donde los gatos tienen fiestas. es la misma toxina que sirve de cobijo a aquel que por no mirar al lado, se llevo consigo a la eva y el ada que entre sus brasos guardaba.

esta toxina crece por dentro de uno, pero si crece en uno, crece en todos, porque todos somos uno y por uno pagan todos. la toxina se adentra en uno y mientras, se va apoderando de las entranias hasta llegar a la puerta del alma y se la come como un ninio ambriento a un bizcocho de cumpleanios. por dentro quema y los vapores de la toxina salen por la piel como el rocio de la maniana, creando un arcoiris de tonos de marron oscuro al contacto con el combustible pulmonar. asi adquiere poder, territorio, victimas, vida.

esta toxina causa la melaza en el azul celeste del horizonte, causa la lona negra en el esponjoso cobijo de la estela, causa la calvicie en los pulmones terrestres, causa que se le derrita el helado al nene oso sobre su overol polar. esa toxina que una vez no fue mas que mala intencion en la mente de un demente durante un momento de cuidado dental...

esta toxina poco a poco paso de ser una bacteria en un perensejo a ser parasito en el tercer mundo, subio peldanios hasta apoderarse de la mente del populacho y de la minoria privilegiada, no ignoro a los libres y sus manos dejo atadas en las ramas secas de la ignorancia, y asi penetro por entre ramas hasta raicez, de raicez al subsuelo y de ahi a las narices del trueno que estremecio el cielo mientras la tierra se volvia una con el mar. ya no habian ciudades, ya no habia parques, ya no habia montanias, ya no quedaba nada mas que inmensidades de un solo vacio.

esta toxina logro lo que muchos intentaron y fallaron. esta toxina consiguio ser la verdadera anarquia de la tierra misma. esta toxina fue el resultado de la incosistencia mental de quienes solo pensaban que el suelo donde pisaban era solo suelo y no vida, que la rotacion era rotar sobre si mismos en el sillon, que la traslacion era ir de la cama a la oficina y asi de regreso a la cama, que el sol siempre estara maniana. esta toxina no solo nos impulso a un final mas drastico, sino que tambien se encargo de cegarnos durante el proceso, y asi tener muchos espectadores de su gran espectaculo pirotecnico. que lastima que nadie quedo para el encore...

esta toxina es aun joven, pero su futuro esta escrito en la coraza negra del corazon de la gente. esta toxina es aun debil, pero se fortalece en la cortina negra en los ojos de la gente. esta toxina es curable... era curable... ya puede que sea muy tarde... o talvez si haya esperanza... talvez si se puede lograr algo... talvez... talvez... talvez si saldra el planeta de su curso y todos soniaremos eternamente mientras dormimos por los gases toxicos que saldran del fondo del corazon de nuestra madre tierra, infectado por esa toxina. tengo una toxina dentro...

incubando un concepto.

2009-12-30T23:17:00.005-04:00

una melodia me trae recuerdos de sentimientos que nunca olvide, pero una vez ofusque por placer y desicion propia. el soplo del viento por mi ventana y tu. leerte es como tenerte sin tener el poder de besarte como tantas veces ha pasado ya en mi mente.

me molesta. no queria que esto volviera, aun si miento. es como llamar y ver llegar al mismo demonio que una vez antes habia desterrado y exhiliado de mi ser. aun asi podria ser rey sin serlo. aun asi podria ser buey sin serlo.

que quiero? que necesito? que merezco? que tengo? que he perdido? talvez el sentido vivo del ser querido o simplemente nunca lo he tenido... puede que tu pelo sea para mi un peligro, apareciendo en mi camino como luz en el ojo del matador. fatal error.

a que se debe esta anioranza? a que? la epoca? el estres? tu tez? ginger, un te, un le, un, dos, tres, estres, son tres? son diez dias del mes? o solo el color de tu tez? blanca y viva de color a la vez, como un juego de ajedrez alrevez.

si tuviera una voz el corazon del ladron de razon, no habria cancion escrita por los dos que no terminara en adios y una lagrima en el asfalto que una vez le sirvio de lecho, sin haber hecho todo aquello que en sus tantas canciones escribio. pero sintio, sin arrepentimentos, sin demora sintio, bebio, se estremecio y se baltricio.

tu me brindas angustia y pena a la espera de nada, que considerada. mientras tanto yo aqui busco salida por esa ventana en la octava planta del pie de aquel pirata pata de palo que se refugio alguna vez en tus labios. divino error. pero aun asi me encuentro encerrado en tu imagen, en tu aroma, ahora, ayer, manana, en mi cama, mi mente, mi historia, histeria, misteriosa miseria pecaminosa.

no pierdo confianza, pero pierdo paciencia. no pierdo tiempo, pero pierdo espacio. no pierdo aire, pero pierdo voz. no pierdo amor, pero pierdo corazon... llevare mis perdidas a la declaracion de impuestos para que me declaren en bancarrota y me permitan reinvindicarme con una 9mm. o quien sabe, talvez me condenen a mil decadas encadenado a tu cuerpo sin poder tocarte... no... mejor me quedo tranquilo. por el momento prefiero pensarte a besarte, verte a tenerte, vivirte como si un arte.

la noche primera fue bizarra. mucho verbo pasivo, zero verso divino. las noches a venir se fueron alargando hasta convertirse en tardes y hasta dias enteros de mortifera decadencia. cada dia mas recurrencia. cada noche mas insistencia. y al dormir impaciencia y sentido espiralistico entre sabanas y aire seco... demasiadas vueltas. son esos mareos que a ti me encadenan, como si dentro incubara tu concepto.

tu direccion y sentido es para mi difuso como la niebla en las montanias misticas de tus pechos. es por eso que aun me muerdo el codo pensando en como decirte que te quiero. decirte que quisiera tenerte a mi lado hasta caer muerto. que desearia poder demostrarte todo con un beso, pero por cada uno de esos, un poco mas muero...

el verdadero veneno seria tenerte, ya que perderte cuando nunca te tuve seria tenerte sin haberte perdido. aun asi es tan sencillo sentir que muero solo por quererte, beberte, saborearte hasta que la ultima gota de elixir de tu cuerpo y emborracharme con tu sudor, tus gemidos, tu respiracion en mi cuello, inspiracion, expiracion, aspiracion a algo mas fresco, refresco de mirinda en lunes de cerezo.

me siento mejor solo de escribirlo, pero el nudo en la garganta se siente como la bola de pelos que nunca tuve en la lengua para decirte cualquier otro pero, mientras que por dentro muero solo por decir te quiero. por que ha sido siempre tan dificil ser tan sincero? no, no es dificil, lo digo cuando quiero, cuando siento, cuando debo, pero a ti no puedo...

esta noche escribire hasta no sentir los dedos. hablare de ti, de mi, de un nosotro que nunca pudo ser. esta noche sentire hasta no sentir mis huesos como si fuera un solo momento de paz en tu lecho. esta noche pensare en deseos desos que tanto deseas. eso quisiera al menos.

con cada cigarro veo esparcido en el humo la gran historia que nunca sera escrita por escultores del verso o descrita por el escorso perfecto de tus senos. cierro los ojos y mientras escucho el caer de la lluvia me visualizo como una gota de agua que registra su trayecto por tu dermis, recorriendo suavemente cada ondulacion de tu anatomia.

si tan solo me fuera permitido comer del fruto. es realmente prohibido? o simplemente reprimido? si tan solo me permitieras entrar en el pasillo de tu alma y conocer los secretos que escondes detras de cada puerta, talvez pueda decir algun dia que te ame. si te permitieras leer de mi ser la verdad que nunca escondi, pero nunca admiti por miedo a recometer el error de abrir mi corazon a los buitres del desierto, mientras dormia en el medio de la nada con el sol sobrecuidandome del frio.

cuando el sol envuelva la tierra en penumbras, ese sera el dia en que podre dormir en paz, sin pensar en verdades banales y mentiras sobrevaluadas, sin pensar en "por que, por quien ni por cuanto, por que te quiero tanto" como dice la cancion. pero para entonces todo sera un acto, parte de una obra de teatro que nunca llego al segundo acto por que los actores perdieron el tacto.

2009-12-25T22:25:00.002-04:00

everyone fought. it wasn't up until the end of it all that it finally had a meaning, but then i forgot it all, after all i wasn't paying much attention. maybe i just wish days like this would never be. good[luck to]night.

2009-12-11T02:43:00.002-04:00

i refuse to let you torment me again... i will kill you before you reach me, i will drown you before you touch me, i wont hunt you, but i wont stand for you either. you are dead to me, let me keep your memory buried 6 feet under the ground and not 6 lives under my skin. else i'll take you 6 feet under my self...

2009-11-16T00:19:00.005-04:00

i will never get tired of this peace... is the only place where i can find a rest... within the woods of gray that hide my lies. there where the box is buried... containing my deepest fears... my deepest shames... my true way of saying "no other way but to die today" with charisma.
do i feel?
another year to die.

fear

2009-11-15T23:50:00.003-04:00

there has to be a... i know what it is... fear. will i ever? why? i hear you read words of the mind of a mad man... as if life... i don't feel you... a light that opens path through the clouds atop of the clown with the penguin costume. he was dead. the story goes on with photographs of sounds never felt. is the mere call of the uncanny, those who just eat you up from the inside. can you feel how sweet it seems? maybe is the cyanide... or maybe just ginseng with forsaken ld50. it could just be that i never washed my clothes... or just that i never cared to call you back after a night we both wish to forget. it could be that i just ... just ... fear.

is like the sound of the windowpane against your hair, or the breeze inside a closed room, like a ghost that never left the coloring book with no cover, there next to your pride. sing me a lullaby... a metaphor with a subliminal message... like that summer day when the leafs fell on the snow of dead butterflies... something to remember you by... other than this knife...

my heart is rusting next to the shoe glue i used to shut you up. on purpose i accidentally planned to kill [me] for freedom. it's just dark now. i won't need it where i'm going. you don't need hearts on earth. but you can buy them if you're that eager.

to write a memory is like jumping to conclusions on how fire burns on a benzine-bath in the Arctic attic of Alexandria, the place to be, if your 50 by the time you're 20 and sugar is just an accessory, unnecessary for existence, and coffee is the key to greet death awake. if not ask the blind.

far beyond my imagination, far beyond this feeling, far before this meaning, far i was swimming back... but the tide had other plans for me... it took me a while to realize, that all i knew was going to disappear and i'd just float till i died from a bite of a fat boy in candy land. he should have had his grass, that would mean more meat for christmas. after all now days, animals raise humans, feed them grass and the shopping channel, just so that by thanksgiving they have a big fat kid for dinner. beautiful way of creating community.

or maybe the lungs won't hold that long. a breath of darkness embracing uselessness... that's why it takes this long... now i understand... thanks...

i will... i have will... my will is lost... will i?

2009-10-26T00:44:00.000-04:00

why is it that after all this time i still have your face stuck in my head? BURN!!!

Losten by Glassjaw

2009-08-27T17:56:00.001-04:00

Fraudulent miracles make miracles sink ships.
The rice paper princess (gets too for her flinches).

(Fuck you)

In the midst of the perfection,
rain on the parade
Me that's crowding day (the horns on the hood of the sait)

(Fuck you)

"But never the two shall meet,"
Said the tiger to its greatest fan.
"The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand".

"And now you leave me in defeat.
Leave me a battered, broken now".
"The amount of love you wish to give is more than I can stand".

Now I have you where I want you.
I know that you are listening.
This is my chance to tell you everything.

(Fuck you)

My chance to tell you I love you, but I've waited to long,
And now the record's over.
Now the record's over.

(Fuck you)

for you...

prayer

2009-08-18T22:57:00.004-04:00

as if it was a dream, i hear a voice that rings back in my ear... as if i couldn't believe it, it reaches and grabs me by the heart... i close my eyes and let you in. go ahead and dig, as deep as you can... try and find me... and if you do... please show me... for i have lost my way...

perhaps i should just ... or maybe!... i don't know... just voids left... i try to get up every time... but [who is aurora] i should find a way... [who are you!!] i may have lost these battles, but until i stand no more i won't [GO AWAY!!!] go away... [ w h y . . . ]

couldn't he just try? they asked... he said no. he doesn't believe in second chances... but he's had many! no he hasn't he's been backstabbed too many times... has he...?

the voice told me things out of line... things that made no sense... i just couldn't stop it apparently... once it was digging it just felt too good to stop. it showed me things... it showed me...

last time we spoke was a long time ago... i guess i did know the voice... she had died... she loved me and died... i guess i forgot the poison in my blood... but it felt good then... somehow it still does... why didn't you just leave before it was too late? you could have found a way... but you had to stay... you said you loved me... liar.

once he lost all hope he killed her... he grabbed her by heart and killed her... she was already inside and had seen it all... she couldn't... she wouldn't...
she did...
she read me like an open book and used me like a broken toy... i pray for her soul to rot.

all she had to do was dig into him and find the answer... she decided to take a peek inside his pandora's box... then she... she... laughed... i laughed... at me... he was the one... the one to kill, but he survived... that's why she died...

if one is to shake the branch after the rain just for fun, then one is to bring a towel along... if one is to kiss death in the neck, then one is to embrace one's fate.

he just blindfolded himself only to not see the lie... it wasn't a sign of trust, it was a sign of "hate and swallow"... when he removed the blindfolds, he just walked away... he never looked back again...

if there is really something else out there, then it should know who's next...

with love
you.

ps.
i hope you like it too.

say "bunhole!" ^.^

2009-03-03T22:53:00.003-04:00

i'm stuck doing pretty much nothing... i haven't really adjusted to the idea of being back... i don't know, eventually i'll get it.
may this be the edge? is it?
JUMP!
cachimbo!
well, maybe tomorrow.
paz.

stuck in babilon

2009-02-27T02:52:00.002-04:00

by the second i drown deeper...
this was not how it was supposed to be...
i'm just... genocidal...
how can anyone understand really?
fuck it, don't even try...

-sucks to be you...
-i'm with stoopid!

When the Shit Strikes Back!

2009-02-21T00:06:00.002-04:00

so this semester began, although it kinda got fucked. because of stupid laws of nature i am no longer studding at chavon... 3 weeks after the new semester began.
whatever karma i hold, it's enough.

nu memories

2009-01-03T04:27:00.002-04:00

this new year comes with new memories too...
i just remembered Halloween...
how i let you paint my face all over with that white and red thing...
you looked beautiful...
whispers::[i glance at your pictures sometimes...]
i can't help it...
i just do...
it'll be your birthday soon...
i want to do something but i don't think it might be appropriate...
i don't even know if you still live there...
finch and poison the well depress me...
but there is one song...
the only one capable of still killing me...
and i feel i'm with you again...

i was just remembering my walks through the old french champs...
back then...

i can't do this...
i'm sorry...

from the people of the sun

2008-12-24T22:55:00.001-04:00

this is a message directed for and from the people of the sun.
leave.

is past really history... or hysteria!?

2008-12-20T19:08:00.004-04:00

this photo is very enigmatic for me, very metaphorical... per say.
from left to right, val, logan and cins.
why that big of a deal? well... that's for me to know and for who ever cares to find out.
paz

an unfair goodbye

2008-11-15T12:34:00.002-04:00

one of my best friends is leaving the country... and i can't say goodbye...
alan wasserman, blondie beats... he leaves to germany this monday and i can't even see him before he does...
this is unfair.... ama miss that fucker.
it sucks that cuz of school i won't be able to wish him a good trip, smack his face before he leaves, meditate w/the buddha with him as a farewell gift... ama miss that fucker.
dude, don't get yourself killed and hopefully we'll meet again in the old world.
i'll be going there soon and i hope to see you there.
or else! hahaah
or who knows, knowing you maybe you'll get deported back here, hahahaha
you argentinean dumb fuck...
i'll miss you.
paz.

100 percent

2008-11-13T13:56:00.003-04:00

today's a special day. is not every day, nor month, actually rarely during the entire year we see such event.
not that i get to enjoy it as i did in the past but it is still a good thing to know when it happens, or at least that it still does.
what am i talking about?
hahahaha
is a 100% full moon tonight.
nov 13th, 08.
let's be part of it. lets love it.
let's not let it go to waste.
i have a plan.
thankfully i'm going back.
paz.

but then again....

2008-11-13T13:13:00.004-04:00

as i try to look away, you stare
it's hard to forget when you wont fade
if i had another choice, practical, available, useful, unethical. i might....
but then again....
i am sort of a masochist.
i seem to like hurting.
i must enjoy it.
i, i, i...
what else...
nothing.

[face down]

say what?

2008-11-06T13:33:00.003-04:00

death approaches...
i had a mild heart attack last monday....
i fainted and was taken to the ER...
i kept it to my self and they just said i was dehydrated
low sugar and low pressure level...
i had to fake the rest of the symptoms so that the heart attack wouldn't be the focus point....
or else i'd have to stay in bed.... like last time....
this stinks.
en plus! because of that now i'm... talking again.
per say...
cuz it's not just talking, but talking TO...
therefore is like going back to nothing.
so lame....
gotta go to class,
laters.
paz

what´s new?

2008-10-30T18:25:00.002-04:00

yes, for once i take sometime to write a little here...

it has been a while yes... yet has it been worth it?

i wonder....

i'm at chavon, things are hard, work is much, time is not...

yet that is nothing compared to the things in my head....

i haven't talked much about the significant beings in my life right now...

things have changed a lot...

a lot has happened...

a glimpse?

i live with 4 awesome dudes. Mo, Abe, Wali and Dio. Dio moved recently after Willy decided to move out, he's part of the family yet he needed a better ambiance to work, that's cool, that's what we came her for, so he's doing what he can to make it work; totally understandable. yet the karma and energy in the house is great. work is a common thing among us and we have one of the best environments for working and developing in the whole residence so that's a plus.

classes are great, exhausting and demanding yet workable. i'm loving it and i'm making it work and that's what's important. yet i have to admit that it has been a challenge. not cuz of the physical stress nor the amount of work but the mental stress in the personal level. obviously, a girl is involved, yet that is something i'm bound to erase no matter how much that meant... it hurts though... this one i didn't want to push away... but it had to be done... and now i can't even think.... it's been like this for weeks... yet i am bound to erase. no more.

back home things are wicked, things happen at a rate incomprehensible, probably because i'm not there anymore, i'm out of the whole environment and situation therefore i don't really understand what's going down, but then again, one does as one can and not as one wishes nor wants.

i miss buddha...

my head hurts and alcohol is no more an option... fucking ulcers...

but that does not stop me! hehehe

it's time for me to go.

some other time maybe...

paz...

a simple dysfunctional rhyme

2008-10-30T18:08:00.002-04:00

it´s been way to long a time
i can´t feel the drive
all it´s lost in mind
i wish i could go blind

once i felt the new
everything was true
now that it´s all through
i can´t but feel blue

dreams i thought sublime
nightmares turned then shined
most feelings died
as you i left behind....

the one was thrown away
the shell it fell apart
the box open and spread
the hate i hid inside

as much as i would run
the closer i would come
to the conclusion to fold
once all this was done

no one was to hear
the words i felt and feared
yet that image was clear
there was nothing left to feel

the rain was in my eyes
the pain never relied
the one truth to my eyes
was torn and left behind...

from charcoal to broken diamonds

2008-08-15T13:39:00.002-04:00

just for the feedback.
i was accepted in Chavon!!!
fucking finally indeed. the third had to be the charmed one. i'm glad that things are falling into place. it sucks that my last relationship didn't work, but i guess it was meant to be that way. i had good expectations on it, i thought it could get somewhere. i'm glad it didn't.

music has been put to a side for a while now. i hope is not for too long cuz it's one of the main ways for venting in my world. writing has come to a new age as well. drawing is now life to me now. my path is being organized beyond recognition.

to conclude. when things seem to be going great, one of those things is bound to end drastically. i'm just glad that it was just "that" and nothing else. hope you rest within the shards of these broken diamonds. Consequence.

spring break

2008-03-25T01:54:00.003-04:00

this year's spring break is over. i didn't do much, but i did get out of town, at least for the weekend....
it's weird, but... well... i have a lot of issues...
well... i guess no one really cares, hell knows i try to but i really don't hehehe.
i've got nothing more to say...
ok i do. i remember when words would come out easier, when i had the power of speech... and when i was able to really express myself verbally. now i have this carapace, this knot in my mouth... it takes me forever to even say a word about what goes on in my head. i'm too bottled up inside. and something tells me it'll stay that way.
paz.

why is everything red?

2008-02-16T02:09:00.002-04:00

i'm sick. that's all i got for valentines, sickness... a mothafucking flu! a well, i guess i deserve it. i was warned after all... hahahaha. i haven't been doing much lately... i think i'm going crazy here. kinda tired of the same... i guess no matter how many times one tries to change w/e in order to make each day at least a bit different from the one before or the ones on the way, after all we still get bored. i need a life... haha

don't you hate it when you try to forget but just can't?! years, i tell ya, years it took me to blind myself, just to realize it was all in vain. the memory remains.

china seems to be back to normal. i wasn't able to see her today cuz of this flu, but as soon as i can i will go see her. i missed her. she is my best friend after all. one of the not so many left.

i've met some interesting people in class this semester. it's all about principles of neurobiology, body language, sensation and perception. hope to play my cards right for each purpose.

dregd, eluvium, kings of convenience, explosions in the sky, lots of ambient music. healing can be a difficult process, but it doesn't have to be. scar tissue is nothing but a reminder of how part of you died yet you managed to play death, and won...
how many times can one win?

my head hurts...
paz.

2008-02-04T13:25:00.000-04:00

why are you here!?
why do you fucking hunt me!!!
why again...

is you... is you not...

2008-01-25T02:20:00.000-04:00

don't ever quote me on this or i'll deny it!... but i must admit that this "free time" [as we'll call it, thank you...] IS DRIVING ME CRAZY!!!
i need to either get a job or do joga or whatever keeps me out of this fucking house... at least i started classes... but it's just one fucking day! ass wiping chavon of shit... i should be in Romana by now man! i should be breaking my ass off studying what i really want... talking about that by the way... i hope i don't die over there... cuz i know how my friends are having the hardest of times over there... they don't do anything but work all the time, and again i have to admit that i'm a big [huge!] couch potato... i have a bad feeling about that...

shay' and i are trying to make a new band... another one... hahaha. this time w/perro [remember perro? don't think so... :P] and blondie. they want to do metal-core melodic... tho' it is indeed getting somewhat boring already... everyone wants to do the same... ah well, we'll see how this ends. hopefully it'll be good and steady. i'm very rusted metal-wise. all i've been playing lately is chill, ambient and psychedelic music, like nosfell and others. a lot of yann tiersen for my ears tho'. come to think of it, is like therapy: tiersen for the zen, bjork for the creativity and nosfell for the burnout.
yet nothing more therapeutic than a good dosage of HATECORE! probably cuz i haven't been on it for a long time is that i feel so disturbed lately... like something's missing [yeah, look for an excuse...{shut up!}]

time for the fade.
paz.

this is the end, my sweetest friend, the end...

2008-01-13T18:17:00.000-04:00

i saw the moon fall down in a dream... crashing on the ground... destroying everything i know...
makes me wonder...
you wouldn't understand...

i need to try something new, soon. or else...

some things have been going on lately, yet i haven't figured out what to do about them.

i have nothing to say.... well, actually i do i just don't care no more.
paz.

ho's, ho's, ho's!

2007-12-26T03:08:00.000-04:00

Christmas, another wasted year, a new year to waste...
i guess it's the only way until i find a way out of this place :p
i haven't been doing much lately... nothing special, no one special, just a whole bunch of boredom. no answer from that job i applied to, so no money to spend. i don't know how but i'll find a way to go to chavon this winter. i need that place.
i... i have nothing to say at all.... hahaha peace!

the light that blinds

2007-12-11T03:33:00.000-04:00

this little video here is from an incredible french musician that i've been listening too for a few years now. i was looking for videos of him and trying to get his new album online for like a week and, just like the first time, is almost like asking for a fucking miracle... but i'll get it!... eventually. either ways, his name's Nosfell [follow the link and learn about him!]. this video is from a song from his first album [which i own! ^.^], but i still need the second and third... so if anyone finds them online, on a blog, torrent, w/e let me know!!!
anyway! here it is!
Enjoy!
Nosfell - Sladinji the Grinning Tree

moderating the hate

2007-12-05T00:59:00.000-04:00

why do all signals look the same? sometimes you think there's something, that things are working out for you, but noooooooo it's all bullshit!
i probably need to learn how to play my cards better... cuz it's obvious that whatever it is that i'm doing is not working... ... or... is it?
oh, fuck it!
i shouldn't care either ways, is not like i'm thinking about staying, so it would be a waste of time to even think of going too far.

another empty bottle

2007-11-27T01:07:00.000-04:00

this is why depression is such a big issue. where am i going to get money for more vodka? or pills? or any of the rest of the shit?! the government should pay depressive people so they can buy this things!...
ah well...
back to crappy online tv...

stuck...

2007-11-21T21:08:00.000-04:00

the other day i had an inconvenience w/the cops...
huge bulto... the 2nd one in less than a week... ama have to stay home for a few days, not only cuz the streets are too hot, but also cuz i'm now stuck w/a fucking flu... i'm also off buddha, so i can clean up and please my folks.

all i've been doing lately is draw. i haven't written a thing in months... every day i start 2 or 3 new projects [drawings] that take forever to finish cuz of the amount of details and shit... i need them to be the closest to perfect as possible, meaning, the closest to the image in my mind. i like drawing hehehe.

my head hurts from all the shit... when will this end... i wanna die sleeping, that's probably why i sleep so much... hoping not to wake up. i thought of this earlier today; i was in bed, sick like i am now of course, and thinking "what if i stop breathing? i've never been asthmatic but my brother is and i'm having a serious problem breathing right now... or maybe a heart attack... what are this chest pains? oh well... maybe later." imagine...!

i'm not going to unibe either now... i couldn't take the admissions test... so now i'm fucked for next semester too... i don't know men... will i still be alive by 08? if so, how will i live through it...?
fuck this, if i forgot something... too bad.
paz

the recovery process

2007-11-15T04:42:00.000-04:00

i haven't been writing much lately... not that i didn't want to, just that i didn't feel like sitting on the computer....
[2 hours later...]
just like now...
peace.

tonight the stars revolt...

2007-11-06T02:12:00.000-04:00

i was stopped today by the cops fully loaded. huge mess w/those fuckers i tell ya... i'd give you more details but i rather not even mention it.

just as this is now goodbye, watch the sky for me... those where the days, hahaha.
god, let me get something to eat...
oh, fuck it! i'm going to bed...

oblivion awaits.

2007-11-02T01:14:00.000-04:00

there's a... "memory", apparently now, that just wont leave me... it's like when you wake up and the first thing on your head is one of those baaaaad songs that's stuck with you all day long. yet this one has managed to stay a bit longer now.... the word on the street is that it stinks when that happens, but no one ever said it could drive you mad.

on the last survey of the self, it was pointed out how something was wrong. yet no one was able to tell what it was. no surprise, but then again, it would be nice every once in a while to have someone at least try.

today? at jochy's playing dominoes and just messing around w/the dudes. who? vega, ray, r2d2, daniel, rafi and fernan. i guess mentioning jochy or myself is pointless now. no rhum this time for some reason... it was very missed.

maybe it's karma again, or maybe just the rain, or menopause... hahaha

i was called a "Hater" by someone who barely even knows me. and let me tell you, there's a lot more where THAT came from PUNK! "oh! but i thought we were friends, blablabla" dude shut the fuck up, and there better not be a next time or you'll regret it. and i believe remorse is for the dead.

i haven't heard anything from... so i hope your ok.
probably i'm referred to as "what's his face?"... again, not the first nor the last.

while writing a really long paragraph about how no one ever reads this shit i realized that even if those who really matter read it, they still wouldn't get shit.

i wonder who's out there...
it's starting to feel empty here...
[...]
well, i guess this is where it ends.

hippidy dippidy do!

2007-10-27T04:26:00.000-04:00

i found this pictures laying on my pc somewhere, decided to post'em. this was at a house of a friend w/the sister madness crew and shit. lots of tripping and good vibes, as well as nice music too of course. wouldn't you agree that us hippies live best? hahaha. it's funny, but i was discussing that with a friend how all of my friends HAVE to be a least a bit hippie, otherwise it just doesn't work. i've come to realize that not only do they have to have at least one hippie cell in'em but also some crazy quality or ability or just a nervous tic hahaha.

i wonder where will i be in ten years from now... i could be dead, or i could be in some weird country backpacking... or maybe fucked and married hahhaha! or i could easily be just another bump on the street... nah, i'll probably be dead :P haha.

i'd love to convince the full band to record those old songs...

i hate it when people just expect you to understand... it's just showing they've got no balls what so ever... it's embarrassing. that's why i erase people and forget they ever existed. one thing i will do is keep my head up and embrace the future, but i will never be slowed down by the past, 'cuz that's all it is... the past.

OCB is THE SHIT!

i've been drawing a bit lately, sketching every now and then. it's a good thing, it reminds me that there's more to it. i organized my drawings the other day by size, and my friend was that shit hard or what! god damn those large drawings are a pain, my table is barely big enough to hold'em all. i have to see how the fuck am i going to do a bigger portfolio to put'em all together. that reminds me, i need to get a permanent spray for them... after all most of'em are in charcoal and pastels and shit.

i was gonna see the butterfly effect 2 now but it's 5h00 so no. time to hit the sac. peace.

jis goin tu de colmado tu it masitas, yu guan?

2007-10-22T17:38:00.000-04:00

irony is this Hollow's tendency.
can you see the scars close away?
as i heal, i peal my skin to a new
and throw what's left from the dirt to the bottom of the seas...
where you sleep...
there's a white duck staring straight at me
next to my baby pictures of a past i never knew
psicopathologie studies of the self that bring us down...
its like a living dance upon dead minds
or just a suffocating sight
like you...
beer mugs remind me of what i tend to forget
the simple sound of you around me makes me nervous
like red Californian apples and space rides.
i hope i don't sound scary, i'm just hungry
and you're dinner.
do you know the joker?
i need him to fix my head
go get me some bread
so i can bake myself away
where are you?
you should have been here by now!
i have to feed the entire crowd
and there's no control
revolt
behold the power of the [nothing left to say]...

this can also be found on my dysfunctional side, i wrote it a few days ago. it has a ghost inside... hahaha

sandwatch

2007-10-20T04:03:00.000-04:00

Note to self:
while refilling the self with a new, one thing has to be taken under consideration: there are other people around you and not because you're empty it means you can fuck with them heads!

i've met interesting beings. i've had interesting contacts with others lately. must be Tool [hahaha].

try to control the munchies... but it's hard... that's why i'm eating now... still... hehe

rent requiem for a dream...

get a hobby!

the hollow, the beginning of the end

2007-10-16T01:16:00.000-04:00

for you to understand, The Hollow is a period of about 2 weeks that resets my life for a new beginning... until a new year comes that is.
this Hollow has concluded. conclusions have come to a call and everything has been set. a new year begins. lets see how i screw this one up now! hahahaha.
end of details! hahaha.

Hollow cast

2007-10-11T17:17:00.000-04:00

this is an incoming cast direct from The Hollow.
so far, like every Hollow, everything is turning to shades of gray. It's imperative to take action before The Hollow period is over and everything's back to normal...
next time i come back i'll let you know all that happened throughout The Hollow.

reporting

2007-10-06T19:50:00.000-04:00

located now at bushe's i'm here to brief you about the journey to the next hollow.
the path has been rocky and hard but is still walkable... this is though the last week until... well, yeah.
i still wonder what/where am i going to hide so that the fall can be cushioned... that reminds me that i need another WB [wodka bottle]... and cigarettes. the rest is cool. i might have to come up with a plan... shit...

yesterday i was w/the old crew. warguru was missing i still don't know why, but vega, vitto, pastor, blondie, myself, jesus, and some german girl who's name i can't remember. today i was w/pastor and blondie at the garden. now i'm at bushe's on the way to a sister madness to then who knows what.
peace!

save now, kill later

2007-10-05T15:46:00.000-04:00

there's a whole bunch of shit i want to bring over, but i'm way to busy or way to lazy. take a pick. in the meanwhile, i'll be away. peace.

a week lost...

2007-10-01T00:07:00.000-04:00

out of all the things that have happened this week... i don't really remember most... it's the lack of interest... i remember my mom saying i have the profile of a bipolar and she's afraid i might collapse and kill myself [HAHAHA!]. i also remember a party... it was crazy, i got home like at 6h20, 6h30 or something... wait that was today that i got home that late/early... hehehe yeah, that party was yesterday. it was a cool party.

i was at ray's today, with vega and allan. we were going to play dominoes... but then remembered that the table was at jochy's... so ended up talking shit the little time we stayed there. i was drawing this crazy shit that came to mind, one of those crazy sketches i do. when i finish it you'll find it in dysfunctional side of me, hehehe.

i have to go to UNIBE tomorrow [a college here] to find some stuff out about transferring my credits over there... see if i can do graphic in 2 years... and then find a way to get the fuck out of here... but now i have a few other schools i want to try out in the international aspect. we'll see what happens. i just really want to get this over with...

i'm hungry...

i want to finish that drawing i'm doing and then do more. i have so many crazy ideas i want to forge. i just hope i can do'em all before i go crazy myself hahaha! let's see what comes out!

i just remembered another thing! Ryu's concert! that was also yesterday, right before the party. it was pretty cool. they played their new song [written by vega!] and people seemed to have liked it. the kids from Nominal where here playing too all the way from up north. i hadn't seen those kids in ages.

charles wants to do a project w/me. that's cool cuz i've wanted to play for quite a while and since the GLP i haven't really done much music-wise. i still don't know what he's planning, the genre, the style or anything, but i'm pretty sure we could do something crazy and interesting. there's also a group of kids that want me to play with them. they want to do something Grind-Core-ish, like As Blood Runs Black and shit. i don't really know any of them but who knows what may come up.

lemme go finish that drawing so i can start the next one.
peace!

alive and kicking!

2007-09-25T21:56:00.000-04:00

I’m getting over and pushing past all the bullshit
and getting right to the root of what the problem really is.
All the reasons for the misunderstandings
and the emergency landings on a plane headed for home.
It’s where the heart was living till
it was without feeling and started revealing itself to everyone else.
By just packing up and moving out. Saying it could do without
and barely able, unstable, running off at the mouth.

So I’m tearing this and everything else between me and what I want to do to pieces.
I’m tearing you and everything else between me and you a memory.
I’m stronger now, even after everything that you did.
I’m still alive and kicking.
I’m better now. I’m awake now.
I can see everything in front of me, now.

I’m stronger now, even after everything that you did.
I’m still alive and kicking.
I’m better now. I’m awake now.
I can see everything in front of me, now.

Now if you would’ve waited one second
you wouldn’t feel so second.
The second I put you first
it made the situation worse.
Cuz you want to take advantage and control
of the things that I manage to keep under control.
Like, my happiness, my family, and all of my music.
(My music, my music, my music…)
You had it all. You chose to abuse it.
(Abuse it, abuse it, abuse it…)

So I’m tearing this and everything else between me and what I want to do to pieces.
I’m tearing you and everything else between me and you a memory.
I’m stronger now, even after everything that you did.
I’m still alive and kicking.
I’m better now. I’m awake now.
I can see everything in front of me, now.

I’m stronger now, even after everything that you did.
I’m still alive and kicking.
I’m better now. I’m awake now.
I can see everything in front of me, now.

What’s wrong with me?
You want to know what’s wrong with me?
I could ask you the exact same thing.

What’s wrong with me?
You want to know what’s wrong with me?
I could ask you the exact same thing.

I have my opinion and you have yours.
You don’t have to like mine, cuz I don’t like yours.

I have my opinion and you have yours.
You don’t have to like mine, cuz I don’t like yours.

What’s wrong with you?
I want to know what’s wrong with you
and why this doesn’t make sense to you?

What’s wrong with you?
I want to know what’s wrong with you
and why this doesn’t make sense to you?

So I’m tearing this and everything else between me and what I want to do to pieces.
I’m tearing you and everything else between me and you a memory.
I’m stronger now, even after everything that you did.
I’m still alive and kicking.
I’m better now. I’m awake now.
I can see everything in front of me, now.

I’m stronger now, even after everything that you did.
I’m still alive and kicking.
I’m better now. I’m awake now.
I can see everything in front of me, now.

Now I see everything in front of me, now.
Now I see everything in front of me, now.

this is Nonpoint's "Alive and Kicking". it reminds me that it only hurts 'till you die... lovely

what's his face?

2007-09-25T16:32:00.000-04:00

it's beautiful to find out when you're being forcedly forsaken... it's funny cuz i would have done the exact same thing... but now that she does it... it's not like i can exactly rejoice... it's going to be a pain forgetting about her... leaving her behind... after all i opened...
i was so much better before, hopeless, cold, dead, but you had to awake what i thought i'd never see again in me... now there's a part of me that wont go back to sleep... and that's why i remorse... i wish you weren't how you are... i wish you... were different... maybe it would be easier to forget you... like you forgot me...
you want to erase me from your life? here, i'll help you! I'm gone! i'll probably never forget you... at least you will never hear from me... you should be happy... you got what you wanted... ENJOY!

as the smoke fades in my room.
meeting and getting involved with you?
losing you...?
and if remorse is for the dead...
then i must have died again.
...

tonight, tonight

2007-09-25T01:00:00.001-04:00

fuck this, i'm hungry! it's the Munchies!!! AHHHH RUUUNNNN AHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
peace.

Africa Unite!

2007-09-23T18:43:00.000-04:00

this weekend, which is not over yet but is over for me, is the DR's biggest RasTah weekend ever. like i've said priorly this weekend included Cultura Profetica [x2] and The Wailers. i went to the 1rst Cultura concert and loved it. the Wailers were there and they hanged out w/the fans during the concert. Cultura played 3 songs from their tribute to Bob Marley, one before the Wailers got there and 2+ after they did. it was an awesome concert if i may. i went there and found myself surrounded by so many people that i knew, it was crazy. i also met some new people there, like Iman and her cousin Miguel, and that was cool too.

unfortunately i was not able to do what i had planned due to money issues [like always...] so i went back home like at 3 or 4, like a normal day. then the day after, post-hate, i hanged out w/Chokol and Oscar. we went gliding through city at [0-100]% Gravity... hehehe. it was a cool interlude to the weekend :P

THEN! i went to Caribbean Sun Beach to see The Wailers along w/Robbie, Oliver and Mary Ange' and camera less cuz i was that fucked... there we hanged w/several friends, then found Iman and Miguel and met some of their friends. the concert was great, you could smell buddha all around all the time, everyone was exited and everyone would sing along every song. it was really good but honestly i was expecting more, not from the band, but from the people... i don't know, but hells, i liked it! we ended up at The Metro Country Club w/Iman and her friend who's name i can't recall right now, cuz her father [who happened to be the one responsible for such concert since he brought the wailers to our country] and who ever else was w/'em were staying there. i got home like at 06h45 and woke up at 17h40, so about 11hs of sleep.

so yeah, Cultura's second presentation at Hard Rock Punta Cana is today... i'm obviously not going anymore. but hells who gives. it was a very good weekend either ways.

Rx

2007-09-21T13:23:00.000-04:00

today begins the freedom weekend... i can see for how it is now already that it may not be all joy... my brother is gone with my car and i WILL beat the SHIT out of him cuz i told him not to take it... sometimes i wonder why does he feel so entitled to use my car as if it was his'... what an asshole...

either ways, tonight: Cultura Profetica @ Hard Rock Cafe. and this is how it begins. according to the plan we're going to stay up after the concert to go to the beach and wait there till The Wailers @ Caribbean Sun begins. when that ends... ama hit the road jack, hit the road towards Cultura Profetica @ Hard Rock Punta Cana. it will be a long weekend... and since monday's a holiday apparently, i'll have a full day to recover... [although everyday is a holiday for me hahaha]

well... i just ate so now is zig time.
laters.

celluloid life

2007-09-20T02:59:00.000-04:00

i've been watching movies every day now. i found this website were i can see movies on streaming w/o having to download or wait or pay or even sign up or anything like that. i find it quite nice if i may and now i see a new movie everyday... at least it gives me something to do at night...

if i had a good camera i'd do small clips all days, like those crazy pictures i take, hehehe. but for real, i'd love to be doing small clips of nothingness... wait... what? [hahaha]

that reminds me that i have to make a huge video this weekend...

i lost my old french man hat... my little brown hat... i lost it... it kills me... i loved it!... but i guess now i'll just have to cherish the pictures... i also lost my pilot glasses... so i have to get new ones... ama buy like 3 or 4 so i wont have to worry about this shit again... they're pretty cheap really... 4 to 5 dollars or something like that...

well, fuck it, ama go have a smoke.
laters...

this is where it fucking ends!!!

2007-09-19T19:57:00.000-04:00

tan tan
bring it! hehehe i'm bored...
maybe some other time
now i'm out for a zig.

laterzz!!!

left for dead

2007-09-18T02:34:00.000-04:00

are you avoiding me? why do i think you're avoiding me? are you? why am i this paranoid? why would you? where the fuck are my cigarettes?!!!

i went to the garden w/china today, some nice pictures taken, need to edit before post tho'.

the great weekend is close...

want to see movies for free without having to download them? check THIS shit out!

thanks to my cellphone i'm taking pictures almost every day. that's good.

maybe i'll end up changing this site too... again... a new layout... hmmm interesting... what concept tho'? [...]

i think i developed an allergy to my contacts... only on my left eye...! wtf is that about!?

so what if i care about that kind of shit? i will still fuck you up if you keep talking, fuck face!

i need to work on Cowra...

gone!
my eye is killing me...
peace!

guerra avisada no mata soldado...

2007-09-17T02:10:00.000-04:00

or does it? i don't know the score so far, how many has she won, how many, if any, have i won...

i had a conversation w/my pops today... he wanted to "guide" me hehehe, it's funny cuz he didn't say anything i didn't already know, and he would come up with things so cliché! i mean come on! ah well, ditto'.

i rode w/oliver and marie angela. i was supposed to go to this grill thing w/the guys from sister madness, but i failed to communicate w/them so i didn't go till very late so i rode all night long w/this 2 kids. it was fun... we went to a place i hadn't been in a while...[memories]

there's something wrong... you have bad news but i still don't know what they are... i've been worried all day thinking about it... what it may be, what happened... and you told me they were bad news for you so i'm even more worried... it's probably something not as big as i may be putting it [or so i hope...], but i can't help to wonder off... i wonder how you are... how have you been... what have you done... and as i wonder in question i wonder how are your friends... the people you hang out with... your peeps... your family... how are your parents... cousins... blablabla and i could go on for ever wondering about all the things i wish i knew... or even experience with you... well i guess that won't happen anytime soon.

i would love a cigarette right now... where's that box... !
[...]
ahh better...

the 2 latest dysfunctions are pretty fucked up. all those pictures are crazy shit. so check'em out. in the mean while more dysfunctions are being created hehehe.

i've been thinking about the backup plan... the famous backup plan... i really wouldn't like to use that emergency exit, but it looks pretty valid... and if i have to, then no need to talk it through...

i think ama start reading marquez' "cien años de soledad"... why? cuz i don't remember how it went, so why not?! :P besides it's been a long time i haven't read a full book.

i'm falling asleep.
peace!

creativity.

2007-09-16T13:46:00.000-04:00

i don't really remember everything i did yesterday, but let's see what can i recall.
going out w/oscar. me and oscar went to get some buddha and had a ride. he went crazy like in no time to my surprise, then i took him to some girls and then to the city of lights... fucker! hahaha

picking up bushe. i went to danny's to pick bushe up, then we killed a 50' and went up to robbie's. robbie had a thing at his father's veterinary. it was a small buddha head party. lotz of WD40, vodka, music, people. it was nice.

finding jj. jj came to the city for the weekend, so he called me and since i had to take bushe home, i picked jj and [unfortunately i do not remember her name right now...] and went back to the party. we had some fun, then took'em back to then come back to the same place ma'self.

vega and the crew. i was supposed to meet up w/the guys but vega told me they were at "drinks to go" and i don't really like that place, then he said they moved to the gas station, but i wasn't in the mood for the station... so i bailed.

today? who knows. i have a pending conversation w/my pops, and then there's a BBQ at danny's cuz my buds from Sister Madness are going to Canada to play this fall. so that's a good thing. then i don't really know...
maybe some fire! hehehe

i'm avoiding subjects so...
peace for now.

like moths to flame

2007-09-14T17:39:00.000-04:00

there's another post unfinished that i was supposed to publish before this but something has come up, so maybe later i'll be able to publish it.
in the mean while i just look out the window.

autumn hasn't even begun yet... it's supposed to begin by sept 23-24, but i can already feel her approaching... year after year, always the same story... always the same shit. this is why by now i've learned to deal with it and just go with the flow. and that's why for the next 3 months... hehe well... yeah.

now i know that hideous side of her. i've been formally introduced to it after so many glimpses and blisters. she can only take credit for giving birth to me and being responsible for all this hate i breed. i just hope she can handle the backfire because i will not put up with her bullshit anymore and i definitely don't give a fuck what ever reaction it may have on her. she should know this. i've had it.

i need a job pronto.

i was wondering what would happen if i were to pick up a small bag, my guitar, my books and just leave...? maybe the beach, get a job in a small bar, play, find a way by myself... i did once for a week... it wasn't great but it was something. maybe i could just force a new. they say forced things never come out right, but then again, nothing ever does for me so i might as well just try the other way around. besides, who will notice?

let's see what comes around today.
peace

hey there delilah

2007-09-13T01:17:00.000-04:00

this day turned out to be better than i thought.
i just got home and i'm still so fucked up i can hardly move first i got the tickets, then i got some buddha, then went to the garden [so beautiful!]and wrote like 3 small poems that i love so much, then i was wondering off and about for like an hour and then picked sunil, dropped him in the national theater then met w/julio puffed again, then we hooked up w/some friends of his, went back to get sunil and puffed again all together fucks at the gala park. this are just a few of the pictures of the garden that i took today. for the rest of the pictures click HERE.

now i'm sitting here in boxers eating cazabe with peanut butter and sprite... this shit is gooooood y'all!
well, nah, peace!, i'm outiez.

day of the baphoments

2007-09-12T15:09:00.000-04:00

today i woke up and now i want to know nothing about it. i don't care anymore. if ever, may it happen when it wishes to. this fuck right here is tired of this shit. so as of now i'm back to the hollow.

now i'm headed to get my tickets for the concerts. see how that turns out now. it'll be cool cuz after i'm going to the garden. lots of writing to do now if i may say. so peace.

ps.
celine, merci pour etre la meme si je t'ai rien dit... ^.^

i love karma...

2007-09-12T01:53:00.000-04:00

yeah, karma can die.
yesterday? i was supposed to meet with the green light circle. that didn't happen... my brother got home from college, in my car, almost at midnight... omar, germain, raymond wilson and hector got tired and left early. so i didn't even show up at the reunion I PLANNED!... this is fucked... but i did get to go to ratifusio's instead. met 3 of his friends, lit the bong, then a blunt, then a joint... hehehe. so it was ok.

today? well today i was going to buy the tickets for the concerts in plan for this month [the special ones that is], but couldn't do it cuz my beautiful brother [again] took the fucking car as if it was his... i wanted to kill that fucker so bad... that's why i need to learn to wake up earlier. but china came to pick me up around 9 and we went to "Encuentro Artesanal" [a bar en la zona colonial] where a friend of ours was having an art expo and selling the pieces at flea market price. it was craze shit. i found some things i liked but didn't buy anything unfortunately, but i will return to get some stuff! it was china, gaby, molly, natalie and me but gabs and molly had to leave so china, natz and me went to the buddha park to kill a blunt. i got home about like 10 to 20 mins ago and it is just 2am right now... WHAT AM I DOING HOME?!?!?! oh well... well... i know that moo is still at that liquor store... i could... oh no wait, it's pass 2... fuck it, i'll just stay here...

i also finished another template for dysfunction and i like it better than the other one, but i will work on other templates, see how that turns out. who knows, maybe i'll change all the others too. hehehe.
pero na. that's it.
i'm tired...
peace.

what about minsk?

2007-09-10T21:20:00.001-04:00

i need to step away... from everything... i slept throughout the whole day today... woke up like at 12.30, went back like at 2 to bed, woke up just now... it's 9.40... i know i've been saying this for the past... o.0 like 3 years, but it is still very very true... but i need a new... a new life, a new world...
*sighs*...
ah well... if i have to fuck karma in order to get my way, i'll fuck her in every possible way!! see if i can get the fuck out of here...
in the meanwhile i'm sitting here, trying not to go crazy... but i kinda can't... oh the craziness in me... well.
i read about you today... it felt good to have some news. but i guess i'm getting used to not having any... but it's ok cuz it's how it's bound to be... i guess...
i'm having an oldschool reunion w/some friends... the green light circle reunited for once... pastor[raymond], warguru[omar], gertz[germain], vega[hector], vitto[wilson] and logan[me]. lets see how that works out.
ama go now, before i go crazy...

nüLife

2007-09-09T14:20:00.001-04:00

what has happened?
i've been doing a few things lately, going to parties, to the botanic like everyday, resurrecting all my old buddhahead friends, going to rehearsals from friend-bands, a lot of puffing if i may say.
i went to chavon yesterday w/julio, just to visit and hang out. big mistake... the second we started leaving the city, i started having second thoughts about the trip... by the time we were there already i wanted to leave and never comeback... that's all i felt... like i didn't want to be there anymore. my ex-roommate JJ is staying now on room 15... it was an interesting thing being back in those halls... walking the streets of chavon... ah well... it wasn't pleasing. i can tell you that.

what is happening?
right now? eating i am. but there's a whole lot of shit going on right now. stuff like karma showing me that i will not ever be or do what i want for me. but as far as i'm concerned, karma can kiss my ass. and talking about ass kissing, FUCK YOU! thanks. this is where i don't care. i wanna go to The Garden [ama start calling the botanic garden this instead] today. i missed it yesterday while at chavon. i lost willingness for somethings too... i guess i'll have to see what comes around.

what will happen?
a lot will happen. there's this underground buddhist party going on in october with pounds of greenery. it'll be crazy i tell you. but there's something even more important happening sooner. we have a weekend combo to die for.
Sept 21st - Cultura Profetica - Hard Rock Cafe Santo Domingo
Sept 22nd - The Wailers!!! - Caribbean Sun Beach
Sept 23rd - Cultura Profetica again - Hard Rock Cafe Punta Cana
now this will be ass kicking. about $5000 pesos right there in tickets, buddha and gas. mostly buddha... hahaha but it is fucking worth it.

fall is approaching...
that means the gray is near...
again...
fuck...

peace.

ps
there's more i want to say, but right now i don't care to say anything.

hello sunshine

2007-09-07T02:47:00.002-04:00

today i feel release!
today i can say i feel better
i can finally sleep and be careless
now doesn't it make you feel better, the pigs have won tonight, now they can all sleep soundly, and everything is alright...
.

afuckingmazing!!!!

2007-09-05T01:30:00.000-04:00

i was sent an email with this images...
El pintor iraní Imán Maleki, genio del realismo, galardonado con el premio William Bouguereau y el premio "Chairmanás Choise" en la II Competición Internacional de Art. Renewal Center. Algunos le consideran el mejor pintor de arte realista del mundo. "Sus dibujos compiten con las cámaras digitales de 10 Mega píxeles", aseguran.

:: DELE CLI PA VELA MEJOL ::

this mothafucka does NOT play! !0.0!
search him up! it's fucking real dude!!!

2007-09-04T12:33:00.001-04:00

i think i'll have to get used to not hearing from you... i knew this would happen, i just didn't want to face it... it's stupid tho' but i... i don't know... i just miss you... the simple thought of you makes me feel tender and vulnerable... like a baby. [...] for some reason that did not sound right... hay un maco... como k si... pero na.

i'm publishing a new blog. a blog where i can post what i started posting in this one when this was still just a nü-born. the arts!. most of it is going to be written art, as in poems and lyrics and such, but also sketches, graphs, drawings and such. i'm still working on it, designing the layout and stuff, it'll be fun, doing this one was. it'll be called "Dysfunctionality of an Almost Human Mind"

i'm also thinking about continuing the book i once started... you haven't read it yet, it's on another blog here... it's called "The Legend of God's Reminding" [hotlink removed].

by the way, here are the pictures of the plugs and the necklace. i told you there was something related to them ["Plugs :: the last generation" and "The Necklace"]. those are 2 poems i wrote [obvious reference...] w/a double sense to 'em. but i'll publish those in the dysfunctional side of me. well, lemme just show u the pics :P...
[... a few minutes after ...]
... ok this blogger shit won't let me add'em in the correct size... there seems to be something wrong with this still. so ama give you the links and you'll see'em yourself :P ok? fly hahaha.
::Plugs::
::Necklace:: [sorry i just never take it off ^.^]
::Both::
i wanted to make some changes to the plug's design but colors are not helpful on this surface and the porosity of bamboo is not really the best of textures for sharpies... hahaha.

for the moment i just hope you're doing fine... i tried calling you today... couldn't reach you tho'... and the "this is dana leave your message and i'll call you right back" is starting to get to me... i want to know how's everything really... like what ever happened to your apt. and well... all [i'm not gonna discuss any of that here...]. i don't know... i'm pretty sure you're ok, but ... i still want to know what's up and what's not.
i miss you i guess...
...

2007-09-02T16:58:00.000-04:00

out to smoke! PEACE!

sicko

2007-09-02T13:32:00.000-04:00

i didn't get to sleep much... or nothing at all... every time i reached my sleep i had to go to the fucking bathroom... so i didn't really sleep... i still feel like shit, but the fever is gone so that should be a good thing. and say i was bonding w/it already haha.

i just found out that Belle is running for the Arroba de Oro so best of luck for her and she can count on my vote.

from the idc kids i met at chavon, there's this girl, Zan, i had no idea she had a website and it's really not that bad. check IT out, you may just like it.

it has taken forever to write this fucking post! i've been going on and off to the bathroom like every 5 minutes... this sucks! why can't i just faint out of dehydration, at least like that i'll get to sleep. i could use some sleep... god i'm tired... ah well...

i took some pictures of my "Plugs :: the last generation" and "The Necklace" later you'll know what i mean, hehehe, but yeah, once i upload them from the cam to my pc then i'll do the full presentation of'em. in the meanwhile just expect haha.

i'm waiting for you to show up... i'll be around wondering in hollow...

ama see if i can eat something now... i haven't eaten anything since yesterday... so hopefully i'll hold food inside...

laters.

saturday morning fever

2007-09-01T13:20:00.000-04:00

i haven't talked to you in... it feels like days, tho' it ain't. it will be tho' if i don't talk to you today either... i woke up sick... yesterday i couldn't but think about you... i was at this party, this birthday party w/JJ, remember jj? well, we were there w/some friends you don't know, and many many other people. it was fun, lots of WD40, so it was all smooth. some chick got pissed and sent me a message w/her best friend saying that i was un palomo cuz she was hitting on me and i didn't realize... the funny part is that i did realize and was avoiding her hahaha, i was busy enjoying a high and thinking of you... i smoked so much that i think i woke up w/the bad trip hahaha. i had a dream about you. we were happy... yo y mis utopias... [sad face]*[smile!] i went to the botanic yesterday w/pachy, remember? the friend i hadn't seen since like jan. it was fun, that was some good Buddhist meditating, i'd tell ya, nice half a blunt we had and that fucked us up both so crazy! yet... every once in a while i would take glimpses of her face when ever i looked away and think it was you and when i came back to confirm it was her already... so i see you in the faces of people, i have for a while, i just hadn't said anything, i always forget to mention it :P. i want to have a cigarette but i don't know if w/my belly how it feels it would be a good idea... but i need a cigarette! i wasn't even able to sleep, my stomach feels so weird... creo k estoy preñado con tu bebe!! me dejaste en estado!... now you're gonna have to send me child support or marry me. it's your call... i still don't know what the plans for tonight are but lisa and china are already calling and asking around. so ama have to call some people too... but i just want to call you!... i think i'm sick cuz i haven't heard your voice or heard from you... i miss you... [sudden stop and eyes wide open!] i need to go to the bathroom... TE QUIERO!

colors, flowers and peaceful music

2007-08-30T16:29:00.001-04:00

last night i was w/some of my hippie friends. it was fun and i got to see pachy again, who i hadn't seen since january or so. it was fun, but for some reason it all ended fast and unexpected... well, hopefully soon.

in other news, this shit is giving me problems w/posting.... i had to go ballistic on its ass so it would let me post... so it may take a while before i can post again... or not? hahahaah

OLDSCHOOL!!!

2007-08-29T03:23:00.000-04:00

i just found a whole bunch of pictures from when i was back in highschool... you're gonna love this! this is hilarious!!!

these are pictures at school, at pools, Fistula concerts [i miss those days], the prom party, and such. these pictures take me back. the only one that does not make much sense is the one of the prom, cuz i didn't even spend 15 minutes there. i left pretty fast. oh... wait... no wonder i have no memories of it! ... don't mind me, i'm just thinking out loud... :P oh and by the way, wanna see'em big? in detail so you can really appreciate the beauty of gray? ask for'em! hehehehe. in the meanwhile i'll try to sleep... [gotta love insomnia...]

pictures of us

2007-08-29T02:35:00.000-04:00

i was checking out the pictures that we had together and decided to share some here... why? who cares?! hahaha

i must be the luckiest AND the unluckiest men on earth at the same time...
ps... i couldn't sleep

why do fools fall in love?

2007-08-28T02:28:00.000-04:00

ok... monday? no, tuesday already, it's 2:30...
what has happened? well, i went to the BG like 3 times or so this past week. been burning neurones every day like i used to do before back when chubs was here. i wonder if he's dead yet... so yeah, i went to a concert... or two... there was a huge round ring around the full moon tonight. a friend calls it the fool's moon, now i get it... now i know why a fool... well, you won't get it if i was to explain this through here.

alors, c'est quand qu'on pourra parler?
on a pas pu bien parler l'autre jour...
je veut savoir de toi...
je veut que tu sache de moi...
tu me manque... awh celine... t'es ou?

i made a promise that i wouldn't drink... i haven't had a single drink in like... shit i lost count... a few days now... kinda sucks kuz i could really use a beer now...
check THIS chicks myspace, it's different yet it's pretty cool, what she does that is.
this is where it goes down...
i need to sleep... only there in my dreams can i see you and smile the night away...
i'm sorry i woke you up...
TQM.

to jinx or not to jinx... is that a question?

2007-08-24T14:30:00.000-04:00

i've been having dreams about dana lately. i dind't want to talk about'em cuz i felt like i had to hide them, but about 10 minutes ago i was talking to dana and told her about'em [after all i do tell her everything...] so if i told her why not you? you are after all the images from my photographic memory...

The Beach
i walking down my street and that street merged with the beach somehow... it was Cabarete [Sin City! hahaha]... and all of the sudden i feel this hand holding mine as i walked and it was her... then we walked around and got to this crystal like beach, so beautiful, we sit down and the water would caress our feet while they sink in the sand. then it was night and we were still sitting there and the light of the moon reflected on the water directed itself straight towards where we were sitting. it was like a path to a new...

The Park [note: this one's hardcore...]
i woke up in the grass of a really large park by the sound of kids playing. i open up my eyes and the blue sky and the shapes of the clouds were in full harmony. then the sound of her voice offering a snack refreshed my wakening. the smile on your face was more than enough to know you were happy. after a few seconds of silence you asked again and while i reached for your hand a smaller version of her jumped me in the back and giggling asked for my presence... as i stood up the joy would fill me up to the core...

The Friend
i walked towards an apartment that felt like mine where her friend was waiting. he said things that drove me mad. showed me pictures of her with him. he told me stories that just made my blood boil... once he was done, i was done with him. my fist was bloody and swollen when i got to your doorstep asking for explanations. that's when everything crashed and as you cried, i died. i decided to bury myself alive in the depths of my cave and when i got back to that apartment... you were there waiting for me like nothing ever happened and all the pain faded away, all the hate vanished in haze... and we just sat together in happiness...

there are more, but i guess i just don't want to keep going...
gone to smoke.

2007-08-22T18:01:00.000-04:00

I'M FEELING FUCKING HATEFUL MOTHER FUCKER!!!!! THIS IS WHERE I BREAKS!!! AMA FUCK THAT MOTHER FUCKER UP!!! I SWEAR TO YOUR GOD YOU ARE FUCKING D E A D !!!! I'M OUT ON THE KILL NOW. PEACE.

desperate measures

2007-08-22T17:32:00.000-04:00

i haven't heard from you in a while... earlier today i called but the call dropped after the 5th second... i miss you and i want to know what's happened. i know you missed your flight, but which one? were to? what was the problem?? where's your father!? and what sucks even more is the fact that i can't call you.... and you obviously can't call me... i'm just... worried... there, i said it... just please, try to get in touch with me and tell me what's going on! take me out of this questions!...
te quiero...
=| *.* | -.- | +.+ |=

photo tutorial

2007-08-22T04:19:00.000-04:00

para insertar una foto en su post o entrada en el blog, primero ubique este logo que esta en la imagen que es para subir imagenes, sea en edit html o en compose mode:

luego de encontrar al susodicho y presionar sobre el una image como esta aparecera:

a la cual se le presionara el boton "Browse" seleccionado en rojo para encontrarse con la sub pantalla tambien encerrada en rojo.

aki se selecciona la imagen. para usuarios de mac, aparecera el finder... you know what i'm talking about...
otra manera de hacerlo seria utilizando un 3rd party para almacenar tus fotos como Photobucket or so, tendras la opcion donde te daran el codigo k pondrias en el blog y simplemente lo copias y ya.
para alguna otra pregunta please do not hesitate to ask ^.^.

when the monster attacks!

2007-08-21T01:34:00.000-04:00

there's a monster among us neo-hippie vegetarian Buddhist fucks like us... and that is The Munchies! [cha cha channnn]... it happens to be and comes to the case that i have some fucked up fight against my monster... i've had 3 sandwiches w/2 sodas and now i'm having 4 slices of pizza in my house w/some dulce de coco and a gallon of water. this is the shit!!!
so yeah i'm done for, but now i have to wait for dana (Y) (Y)... i might as well wait while i rest, wait until the phone rings as i sleep.
so if you read this when you get home then call me cuz i might be asleep. don't leave me sleeping. i want you to wake mi up! ok? good.
diablo! toy lokisimo!

cuando se cae en para...

2007-08-20T03:38:00.000-04:00

"toy en mi casa, aburrio, vuelto un 8, con hambre y sin pode habla contigo...
pk me kede tanto como un idiota eperando?
kcyo...
na dejame acotame...
talve no me vuelva loco.
o talve si..."

eso e lo k puede pasa si te va en para por baja nota...
k mielda eta... hahahahaha!

is it just me or is it all just lunacy?

2007-08-19T17:36:00.000-04:00

this is something i wrote last night before going to bed while drunken-high.

LUNACY
i go to bed and i think i hear the phone ring...
i wake up every morning hugging a pillow...
i see romantic movies and i feel sick...
i walk around at night and just wish to call you...
i try not to wake up cuz i'm dreaming about you...
i can't stay out for long cuz you might be online...
i write and it's all inspired in you...
i can't concentrate cuz all i think about is you...
i look out the window and it reminds me of you...
i eat and it all tastes like you...
i sleep and feel your arms around me...
i walk and feel your hand holding mine...
i close my eyes and i see your smile...
i open them just to remember that i'm dead . . . . .

this is were you hate me...

back to the cave...

2007-08-18T19:09:00.000-04:00

RECAP!
thursday:
after having missed the second half of class and sleeping throughout the whole afternoon, JJ and myself went to the bar and met w/raisa, hilma and some girl alice i think. drank a few and left to raisa's cuz the bar was just boring as it could be. there we decided to eat and ... i can't remember what we ate... well, JJ went to bed quite fast [kiddo was so drunk...] and left me w/raisa and hilma [who was doing homework] and while we waited for alicia to come back to the house w/some friends of her, we talked shit. she got there, we all puffed and started to watch "Premonition" w/Sandra Bullock [not such a bad movie, but kinda fucked up...]. when the movie was over it was already 6.30 am... so we were late for class that friday morning.
friday:
just half a day of class. i got there around 10 or so, just to find out that the class was to be over by 12 and we were to be out of the residence by 6pm. why? well there was a hurricane threat going on and Chavon is just not responsible for anything so they decided to kick everyone out of the residence just in case... those fucks. so! we decided to go back to raisa's again. we packed up, people were leaving, some of them crying [wtf...?!], and by 8 the residence only had about 8 people left. JJ, raisa, hilma, laura, anamaria, johansen, ian and myself. laura was being picked up by her uncle, johansen decided to stay until saturday morning at 11 when the school driver would take him to the airport to go back to costa rica. the only one with the option of staying since he had no place to go. we wanted to go see Caetano Veloso that friday night [he was playing at chavon] but we didn't make it on time... with the moving and the waiting and the going back... lemme just say that i had to go to raisa's on my bike since it didn't fit raisa's jeep so what would normally take 7 to 10 minutes took us about 30 heehehe... well fuck it. we went to the bar, but it was filled w/preppy little kids... non over 17... that was so lame... so many drunken kids just waking around like ants you could step on... so we went to Casa del Rio to chill, i talked for 28 minutes and 24 seconds with my angel on the phone and i was "en apesanteur" for the rest of the night ["en apesanteur": french term for the feeling you get as if you flew a little when you enter an elevator and it goes down]. the talk inside casa del rio was between ian, raisa and myself, while the other 3 slept. i played the piano, it was fun. then we left back to the house. some went straight to bed, some stayed playing pool, then we all crashed...
saturday:
by 10 i was awaken by my old man who was on his way to get me. ian was leaving w/me so we started to take all our motetes out [motete: dominican term for bags and such]. i got a call from china like 45 mins after and found out that because of the fucking hurricane our trip to Cabarete had been canceled... so now i had more time to talk to dana, so i'm ok with that! ^.^ hahaha. back to the house; raisa's cousins were in the house too so when we woke up they were having breakfast and preparing their lunch. my pops got lost on the way to raisa's so i had to go get him on my bike. we left and got sent back at the front door by a stoopid fuck... we had to go to security to get some fucking paper to allow us to take all our motetes out... we lost about an hour there... i got home by 3pm and haven't moved from my computer since. just moving pictures, "facebooking" [i can not believe i just said that...], and cleaning my emails and just writing here about these past few days...
about those pictures, this one is being printed and framed asap:

what now? well, now i wait for the mothafucking answer from chavon, am i in or not? who knows... while i wait i blaze!!!! so now that i'm done with this post it is time to call my good ol'friend Moro and pay him a visit. sounds like a looooong trip out of space! ^.^ fuck yeah!
peace!

space? time? hate?

2007-08-16T20:54:00.000-04:00

i'm wearing new plug expansions. i did'em yesterday out of bamboo again of course, they're 2.5" long x 1" wide. the final set will have my logo designed on it it's done and everything, i just need to do the graphs on it. it's 1.25" wide and it's the final size i'm aiming to. [NOTE: this dimensions are not entirely accurate but it's something like that hehehe.]
i'm still at chavon, waiting for this week to be over already kinda... i kinda lost interest for the school after a few past events. so now i'm just relaxing to then check my options.
all i need now is a drink, i have some other things going through my head that's fucking me up.
by the way, i'm freezing. the day is around the corner...
again...

apocalipse [redone]

2007-08-03T14:47:00.000-04:00

again we talk about the apocalipse. for those of you who read it [if any], that post is being redone now. allow me to say a few words about the last "apocalipse": it was about the things that happened in the last 3 weeks. now making it pretty much 4 since it was posted last week and now i have an extra week to write about.
there's a whole bunch o' shit to talk about. so ama try to summ it up until we get to the important part of it all.

the first 2 weeks were "Drawing 1" with Carlos Montesino[s]. nice group of frustrated kids... hehehe i felt like a babysitter since i was pretty much the oldest one [exept for an old lady, a belge girl who i translated for and a dude from spain who were pretty much invisible for the crew]... they were all between 16 to 19 at the most.... a/w back to the point. out of a group of about 28 students we had a crew of peeps of a little less than 10. names? Noe, Sarah, Ana Maria, Elsa, JJ, Julio, Aura, sometimes Yenda and myself. It was day after day the same crew hanging out everywhere, YET! i was not exclusive to that crew, since i would also hang out w/melissa and laura, nelson, erwin, the olsen twins [2 girls from santiago], etc etc, so pretty much the whole class. long story short, i was never hungry [hahahahaha]. some in the crew would chill in other levels, like... well lemme avoid saying names, like the old chinise proverb says, "there are ears behind every wall" ~.^ . I was ok since i didn't come here to chavon looking for any kind of "distraction" per say... yet i was still distracted by my friends' problems among themselves and their frustrations w/the teacher since most of them didn't really know how to draw shit...

anyway, i wasn't able to really take advantadge of the class since i, for some reason lacked inspiration. i just couldn't feel inspired and would do the crapiest work i've done in years... how is that a problem? well, it normally wouldn't be, but i was being evaluated for my entrance here at chavon... so well, i thought i had fucked it up, but it doesn't seem like it after all... we'll see.

this was troughout the first two weeks. now on the third week is where this gets interesting, >.< but let's begin with the unimportant part of it all.
among the classes that started that week included was "Drawing 1 for Applicants", "Integrated Desing Curriculum" or "IDC" and "Corporate Identity". i was taking corporate identity since my sculpture class had been canceled cuz of low demand. it was a cool class, i got to be with Gonell'O in the same class, but we didn't work together. also we had the presence of Camille, Fernando, Joel, Marocha, among other in drawing for applicants. in idc it was mostly a group of kids from Parsons and like 3 locals... but again back to unimportant and lemme talk about my class. it was a long and disturbing week [class wise that is]. we had a group thing and that was more like a "hate crew" than a "team"... but fuck that. among other things i didn't get to hang out much w/gonell'o but we still did. as well i got to meet very interesting people from withing the applicants and from IDC [here comes the goodness!!! hehehe]. among names to be named we have, angad, fito, zan, tito, silvana, josama, and some others. BUT! most importantly [if you read the last post then you know... hehehe] there's a fallen angel among'em: Dana.

who? what? when? how? ... well... what the fuck do i know?! hahaha, ok lemme talk then... hehehe we met at the bar on the night of the 19th of july [sunday]. she had just gotten to campus and had had a few drinks w/her corean friends who got here a few hours before. i was a bit high and a bit drunk from not eating and drinking some rhum left overs that i had in my room so none of us was at very good shape. eitherways, what happened that night is for me to remember, for her to try to remember and for no one else to know or care about... [well... it's not that critical really... haha].

Anyways...
we started to get to know eachother and things started to get intense in less than a week for both of us...
at first it was kinda weird and uncalled for. like i said earlier, i didn't come to chavon to meet anyone at a third level or anything, but this was as if fate or karma or cocacola or call it how ever you want to, had written it, as if it was bound to happen, we were bound to happen somehow... at a point we would start looking for eachother like light to flies [me specially... you know how i like to suffocate hehehe]... but then things started to change cuz feelings started to blossom.... trust me, i have no idea how that happened... but it did. the ice inside me started to melt... feelings started to run through my heart [which i thought was dead for good already]... i started feeling hope, like there was a chance or something, like if it was really worth it... and that was the case with her as well apparently [as she said]...

for the weekend we were bound to go to santo domingo to a party at jj's. but that party was canceled since jj's grandfather passed away... but dana and i still went to santo domingo. i had a plan... getting there friday night: going for a long night o' puffin', saturday morning: going to the beach, afternoon: the botanic garden, night: a concert, and improvising in within these events... but it was all sent to heck when we got there to find out that my car was at the bodyshop. that changed everything pretty much... talks, walks, tears, laughs... moments; moments that defined our weekend and thanks to those, our relationship evolved to a totally new level [details are for her and i to know ~.^].

the second week was very ... very ... well, it was!. it started sunday [again, hehehe]. we were bound to get back w/my ol'man but had to take the bus at the end. the adventure was quite fun aparently. we were going to a trip to the beach w/the school but we were about 2 hours late... so we met with them at the beach but it was too late and couldn't get in the water... then to eat and we were not able to find a way in the fucking water cuz it was too late... but we went to the pool at chavon :P. that was just the begining of ... [what ever was the aftermath... hahaha]. throughout the week we did several things, dinners, nights out, this and that what ever... and it was magic. we tried not to think about the fact that she was leaving on sunday august the 12th... yesterday, so we did everything we could together, but the rain was in our way sometimes, some others on our side. it was fun after all.

: : THE LAST DAY : :
on friday we went to bed somewhat early and what happened before that is not as important right now as what happened the day after. on saturday we woke up like at 2pm cuz we slept to the sound of the rain, went to eat and head straight to the river. i have never seen the river so clean and clear, and judging by how it was raining i never thought that would be the case, but it was. we loved the river, we jumped in, we swam around, talked, enjoyed and recorded the moment in our memories like one of the best [top 5 if i may hehehe]. after that we went back up to the room, showered, and went to raisa's for a movie night where we [we as in the 4th to 5th week crew aka "Drawing 2"] saw "Lucky #Sleven" [second time] and "Matando Cabos" [first time, awesome movie hehehe] then hanging out for a while to then go to the golf camp to chill and see the stars, but got kicked out [again, the full crew]. so we went to the marina and stayed there till like 5.30 or so. Ian took a photoshoot of dana and i, it was awesome... once i get a hold of'em i'll post'em here.

the we went back to the dorms where we fixed her luggage [...] then left to the airport... i still feel her around me when i close my eyes... i smell her in my clothes still... and she will stay in my heart for a very long time [how does death sound? hehehe]

i don't want to keep on talking about what has happened for the moment, maybe later [it's way too much info]. what's up next is one of the poems that i wrote for her... allow me to say that i haven't written a poem that i'd be proud of in like ... maybe 3 years or so, but well... she totally unfroze me, i feel inspired and motivated... either ways... this one i wrote it one of those nights that i would stay awake just to watch her sleep...

Colores de lo Incierto

No encuentro las palabras para decir lo que hoy siento decirte mil palabras pareciera un escarmiento no entiendo la discordia que en el corazon encierro y reconosco las historias donde solo a ti veo, y despierto

Puede que este confundiendo las razones que hoy tengo para poner en palabras los colores de lo incierto pero si se y demuestro, cuando estoy contigo siento todo mi ser bien inquieto, algo perdido y hasta con miedo

Creo que este cosquilleo que contemplo en mis adentros que revuelve mis entranias y me envuelve en un infierno es por culpa de tus labios, por culpa de mis anhelos, porque se, y esto sin miedo, que en verdad te quiero

Me resulta imposible creer que en el universo existe otra persona que se asimile a tu reflejo, puede que sea imposible para ti creer que un ser perverso como yo en verdad contenga en si estos sentimientos

Pesismista como yo no creo que exista otro pero solo con saber que estas cerca todo es hermoso, si pudiera convertir en melodia lo que siento nunca habria otra cancion tan o mas bella en todos los tiempos...

this is it... don't mock it. more are to come, they're just too many to write in one single post.
now i'm just adding a few pictures. Enjoy!

from beyond...

2007-08-01T16:12:00.000-04:00

3rd week in chavon's summer school. this is fun, i've been sick every week with something new. the first week, a snake bite in my arm, second week "amigdalitis", this week an effing flu!!! wtf....
i've met a few interesting people. the first week my drawing class group was quite nice, w/very nice people. jus to name a few: noe, aura, julio, sara, elsa, ana... then you have jj who's now my roomate. it was a nice crew per say.
this week it has been somewhat different. i'll summ it up all in one word:
Dana. she's the freshness that i needed... to bad it just may not last...
this upcoming weekend i'm going to santo domingo w/jj and dana. we're doing a party at jj's and i'm showing SD to dana, since she's never seen it... oh yeah, she's from mexico but living in NY, studing at parsons.
it'll be fun hopefully...
my head is killing me.... fucking flu!!!
i guess i'll come back sometime soon... or not
peace.

Droga y Pitola!!!

2007-07-14T05:34:00.000-04:00

this my friends is the cover of the upcoming EP by Ryu "Droga y Pitola" designed by me. enjoy.

update

2007-07-12T01:08:00.000-04:00

today i finally finished my fucking portfolio. the fucking collage that fucked me up so much is finally done, and actually did 2, one for the exam and one for the portfolio side. so that should be good :P. now all i need is to print out the fucking sports add... but i have a problem with that.... i don't know which one to print! i have a few choices that i need to decide from...
voila the choices:

now if someone could help me choose!
oh who am i kiddin!...

also i have to say i'm working on the cover screen of the Ryu EP "Droga y Pitola". once i'm done i'll have it here for all to see :P
for now that's it! so,
peace!

2007-07-09T13:13:00.000-04:00

this weekend was interesting. we went, like i said to daniel's finka and it was fun. we went there with some dudes from santiago so they could play, so it was a party of about 20 people maybe? so it was fun... until everyone had a humongus chankla and everyone went to sleep when them dude from the north were playing and it was kinda rude... but when we woke up the rain was on our side. it was a lot o'fun.

the weird part came along after i got home...
i got home like at 4 maybe, ate and went to take a nap... woke up today like at noon. but i had these dreams... the one that got me the most was this:
i was walking on this old town, then i see my dead grand parents walking in front of me so i followed them. then we got to this Y street and they kept on walking on the right side and pointed me to the left one, so i walked down the left one and found myself on this weird and really old graveyard with really old tombs. i kept on walking down and the road started to get smaller and more crowded by tombs until i got to this half open crypt with a really cold breeze coming from it and then i felt something really heavy fall on my head... i woke up with a headache and a red eye. i still think that i wasn't supposed to wake up... when i woke up i started to think about the good stuff in my life and all i could think of was a small bird that was once part of my life... but oh well.

the second dream was a bit weird too, but i don't feel like talking about it now, besides i'm blind kuz if this red eye...

2007-07-07T01:50:00.000-04:00

i believe i'm going to drink myself to sleep... i just spent my last peso on a bottle of stolichnaya... i've drank about half of it already... and i'm just... fucking depressed... i don't know what to do... i admit it... i have a drinking problem and i may just have to stop smoking... after almost 14 years...
i admit that i have a problem... i can not even focus anymore... i just sit and do nothing... all fucking day... thinking and making situations up in my mind... situations where i do stuff differently... where i picture my future.... i build scenarios... why?
just to leave this reality...
unstress...
forget about everything in my life...
but i can't...
i just can't...
drugs, alcohol, friends... enemies... relationships... nothing has helped, nothing changes... but if it doesn't... then i'll die way before my time... or am i supposed to die this young...?

40 oz. to freedom

2007-07-06T19:15:00.000-04:00

today i'm supposed to do something... what? i have no idea... i just know i'm not staying home. if i do i just might... well, go insane. but i have nowhere to go... danny-boy is at a hotel w/lorena for his birthday... the rest of the crew is nowhere found... besides i only have erick's # and his phone is fucked. vega's not going anywhere apparently cuz of his chest condition, and the rest of the guys must be thinking i'm some sort of mother fucker thanks to the hate talk from chewie... tough love uhn? hahaha, ahhhh... everyone else is to busy or committed or what ever... oh well... what the fuck...? i just realized... i depend on my friends? that's why i always felt like a mothafucking sado-maso! even when they're turds i just keep on going back to them!... i need new ones... again... but then again it will just take me back to where i am right now... nowhere and with nothing to do... fuck. this will be the longest 9 days of my life... oh yeah i forgot, i'm leaving to chavon next weekend! that's good news... time to breath...
peace.

the street

2007-07-06T03:18:00.000-04:00

the street:
* Fifa Street: fucking good game, and coming from someone who does not like sports thats a plus.
* Street riding: it seems to have left the picture lately. pretty good actually, saves gas! hahaha
* Hot-Streets: on my way home i saw boxes full of stones in the middle of the street. that's what thiefs use to make cars stop and jump'em. thank god i didn't stop.
* Roading: today the day was so "go to the beach!" kinda day, a lot of sun, breeze, mild whether it was all in favor of going to the beach at all times! wasted...
* "Streeted": today was our last day at mami-titi's she's arriving tomorrow so no more parting there... but this weekend will be the bomb! Chupluf! * Street Carp: they should sell some stuff on the street like phone cards and shit... stuff like... fuck i forgot, someday i'll remember! haahaha

art in the web

2007-07-05T05:07:00.000-04:00

i found this page, it's a photographer named Khya. i just wanted to come back and let the world know! amazing art she has i tell ya!
well that was it :P peace!

so far so ... so what!? haha

2007-07-05T02:08:00.000-04:00

chillin' at mami titi's has been the current M.O. and now it's like The Spot. since she left the country, danny boy and the gravity crew have been pretty much doing what we want there :P. and since the bulto w/chewie it's been easier to be there puffin' in name of him [NOT!] all day long :P [well, night really :P] instead of having to worry about rides and all that shit.

for this weekend, party at La Finca. i must have some picks here somewhere of the first one... the second one i missed it, but this time is a search for the blond one!
here's some pics!

this weekend is gonna be blasting! it'll be the shit [hopefully]

now all i have left is sleeping since celine doesn't wish to talk to me, chewie is gone and i'm out of bread so it's my time to drop.
peace.

closure to the dead

2007-07-02T22:29:00.000-04:00

i remember the other day, me and chewie were eating empanadas at this place in the upper side, i also remember having no money and having talked with him about the fact that he had no money either, but still we went to this place and ate like there was no tomorrow.
do you know what "the five finger discount" is? are you familiar with that term? if not, it means "leaving without paying". well, after eating like mofos he says to me "go start the car" and i look at him with this "yeah, right..." face, cuz i knew that even if he said he had no money, he did, cuz that's what he does, he makes everyone pay for him and his bullshit, even when he's loaded... so since i totally went against his FFD he fed me up with a whole bunch of "your no real friend, if it had been blabla he would have been in the car in no time, he would have proposed the FFD, blablabla" and how i was a fake because i just did not feel like robbing like i used to do when i was 15 and 14.
now this shows just a fraction of how selfish chewie is. now, another one for the book: the day of "the Episode" on chewie's farewell thing, during it he couldn't stop taking pictures and thinking it was "Funny hahahaha"... [stupid idiot]. i asked him, after recovering and being able to walk and talk, to stay so i could talk to him, i needed a friend and he was going to leave soon and was the best one that was left by then [vega had left already]... yet he decided it was better for him to leave cuz it was boring there... then when he came back, he decided to not even ask if i was ok or not, but he was indeed concerned about smoking "his" blunt by himself and decided to use the episode as an excuse to leave the only mate he has out of it.
yes, the guy that has always "been there" [for when he needs to talk], the friend that helped me [not] through the death of my grandmother, the friend that has [never ever] been there for me when i needed it. yes the one that just placed me in his black list thanks to his own selfishness...
i'm glad i could see the real him before he left, that means i don't need to get involved with him anymore as of now or worry about him at all. too bad. ha!
now all i have to wait for is for chewie to backfire by talking shit about me to all that know me... and i know it started. he wouldn't waste time to hate-talk about someone. don't believe me? ask danny, miguel and his own brother luigi, or you could ask me cuz i've been normally the first one he's told...
what's funny is that he wanted me to promise that if anyone ever hate-talked about him in front of me that i would beat the shit out of them... does it apply to him?
hahahaha mf...

now something fun to chear us up!

1. ¿Por qué las gaseosas tienen jugo artificial de limón y los detergentes jugo natural de limón?
2. ¿Por qué Tarzán estaba siempre afeitado?
3. ¿Por qué los Picapiedras festejaban Navidad si vivían en una época antes de Cristo?
4. ¿Por qué los filmes de batallas espaciales tienen explosiones tan ruidosas, si el sonido no se propaga en el vacío?
5. ¿Si los hombres son todos iguales, por que las mujeres eligen tanto?
6. ¿Por qué las mujeres abren la boca cuando se maquillan los ojos?
7. ¿Cómo se escribe el cero en números romanos?
8. ¿Por qué cuando alguien llama por teléfono a un número equivocado nunca da ocupado?
9. Cuándo inventaron el reloj, ¿como sabían que hora era, para poder calibrarlo?
10. ¿Por qué hay gente que despierta a otros para preguntar si estaban durmiendo?
11. ¿Cómo puedo saber cuántas vidas le quedan a mi gato?
12. ¿Por qué las mujeres con las curvas más aerodinámicas son las que más resistencia ofrecen?
13. ¿Por qué las cosas siempre se encuentran en el último lugar donde se las busca?
14. ¿Qué cuentan las ovejas para poder dormir?
15. ¿Dónde está la otra mitad del Medio Oriente?
16. ¿No es algo poco tranquilizante que los médicos se refieran a sus trabajos como 'prácticas'?
17. ¿Por qué utilizan agujas esterilizadas para dar una inyección letal?
18. ¿Qué hay que hacer si uno ve un animal en peligro de extinción comiendo una planta en peligro de extinción?
19. ¿Adónde van los trabajadores del campo cuando,cansados de su trabajo, deciden 'alejarse de todo'?
20.Si una persona con múltiples personalidades decide suicidarse ¿es un homicidio múltiple?
21. ¿Por qué los cementerios tienen los muros tan altos, si los que están dentro no pueden salir y los que están afuera no quieren entrar?
22. ¿Por qué 'separado' se escribe todo junto y 'todo junto' se escribe separado?
23. ¿Por qué en 'el día del trabajo' nadie trabaja?
24. Si la lana se encoge al mojarse... ¿por qué las ovejas no encogen cuando llueve?
25. Se dice que solo diez personas en todo el mundo entendían a Einstein. Si nadie me entiende a mi, ¿soy un genio?
26. Si nada se pega al teflón... ¿cómo pegan el teflón a la sartén?
27. Si una tostada cae siempre del lado untado y un gato cae siempre sobre sus patas... ¿qué pasaría si atamos la tostada en la espalda del gato?
28. Si la caja negra de los aviones es indestructible... ¿por qué no harán todo el avión de ese mismo material?
29. Un parto en una calle... ¿es alumbrado público?
30. Si quiero comprar un boomerang nuevo, ¿cómo hago para deshacerme del viejo?
31. Si el congelador de una heladera se encuentra a no más de 10 grados bajo cero, y en la Antártida en un invierno muy frío la temperatura ambiente llega a 50 grados bajo cero. ¿No podrían calentarse las personas entrando a los congeladores?
32. Si cuando comí huevos me pateó el hígado, cuando coma hígado... ¿me pateará los huevos?
33. ¿Por qué no hay comida para gatos 'con sabor a ratón'?
34. ¿Hasta dónde se lavan la cara los pelados?
35. ¿Por qué los Kamikazes usaban cascos?
36. ¿Por qué apretamos más fuerte los botones del control remoto cuando tiene poca batería?
37. El mundo es redondo y lo llamamos planeta. Si fuese plano... ¿lo llamaríamos redondeta?
38. Si un abogado enloquece... ¿pierde el juicio?
39. Cuando se 'reproduce' un disco... ¿queda 'encinta'?
40. ¿Los infantes disfrutan la infancia tanto como los adultos el adulterio?
41. ¿Qué tiempo verbal es "no debería haber pasado"?... ¿preservativo imperfecto?